Sunday, May 27, 2007

Rain Again

"It is not permanence that I fear. It is the fact that with every mistake I make, I cannot make it disappear without a trace."

michellesy, on writing with a pen.


The weather changed abruptly. There was no seamless transition – no slow easing-into-it adjustments. On Thursday, it was bright and sunny with the bluest of blue skies stretching lazily in all horizons. On Friday, the sky was a solid, mizzling dome of grey – heavy and looming with a distinct end-o’-days feel to it.

It’s the weather’s way of saying, "Who’s your Daddy?" to those woefully unprepared for its whims. I belong to that caste of fools, unfortunately. That is why I’m the one who always ended up wet and cold. It’s never the different phases of weather – rain or shine – that gets to me. It’s the sudden changes.

I am unable to accept the fact that everything can change so radically in so short a time. In these instances, I ended up almost always never adapting to the change at all.

Love, I realise, is just like the weather.

Mains
Main street.

I left my house at about 3 pm and ventured into the drizzle with nothing over my head but a bad haircut. I knew I must get myself an umbrella before the next storm hits. June is nigh. The next deluge that hits Manipal would rage continuously for two whole months – or five.

I bought a black one; same as the last three umbrellas I’ve bought last year. I can’t understand why I kept losing them.

Okay, maybe I do know – but I never liked admitting my faults.

Walk
Outside the Anatomy Museum.

Remember that time when we shared a single umbrella even though we brought two? Remember how both of us ended up wet but it didn’t matter the least bit to us at all?

Remember that time when we only have one umbrella between us and I left it with you after I’ve walked you home - even though you didn’t need it anymore? I told you I just felt like walking back to my hostel in the rain and you called me crazy.

Well, I wasn’t crazy – I just wanted to relive that day when I was sixteen when I walked to your house in the rain just because I felt like seeing you.


Rain was our weather, remember?

Now, rain is just mine.

Damn, I’m such a hopeless romantic.

Haha, 'hopeless romantic' – I like the sound of that phrase. Maybe I was being a tad too presumptuous in considering myself as a romantic, but I most certainly am hopeless.

The ever-waiting, never-getting fool.

The hopeless romantic.

I don't know why but that thought put a smile on my face. I looked at my umbrella and decided that it was simply too big for just one person. So I lowered it and closed it with a click. Today, I walked home in the rain again - for old time's sake. And I know it won't be my last time doing that.

greener
A lonely road.

The reason I keep losing my umbrella is because every time I left it somewhere, I always went back too late to look for it.

Someone else took it.


Hopeless,
k0k s3n w4i

10 comments:

michellesy the scribbler said...

*Gasp*

Are you sure my scribblings are fit to be on your blog?

k0k s3n w4i said...

@michellesy
My blog, my call ;)

michellesy the self-confessed ex-romantic said...

There's nothing wrong with being a romantic - hopeless or otherwise.

I live in hope that that I can re-capture that sense of dawning wonder, the feeling that life isn't all ashes and dust.

Life becomes both more real and surreal when tinged with romance - roses and rose-coloured glasses both have their parts to play.

Which is why I think it utterly courageous that you (still) believe.

So, walk in the rain if you will. Walk without an umbrella. Just to see someone you care about.

(But please don't develop double pneumonia or get run over by an auto WTF)

Don't let what is innate to your inner self slip away. Because I did and I can never get it back.

ps: That umbrella. The one that you left behind. The one that someone else took.

It was the very umbrella that you needed/ wanted/ had to have wasn't it?

Sigh.

How art parallels life parallels art.

Zzzyun said...

i admit, at least u still have the courage to believe in love.

for me, it took a huge leap of faith for me to start a relationship... i was too cynical then. hope i had become a better person thru this.

PS: maybe u might find someone else to share your ummbrella in the future. then u wont need to get wet ade!

Kit said...

-.-

get over your old umbrella

buy a new one

there are thousands and thousands of them EVERYWHERE

bubbly soda said...

the umbrella,
it is never the fact of time,
never the fact of old or new,
it is the value - in 'the time', the sound of footsteps, the rain, and everything that is 'in' that duration named time.

all the other facts matters not, just the time you cherished. you might think that it is you being late... but if you were, you won't even be in the rain. late is not a factor, duration is.

and no, don't go buying a new umbrella cause it is never worthy, at least this one. just be more patient for the new season of rain to come. God Bless!

Jen said...

we all need our own "little walks alone in the rain" sometimes. it'll probably be the death of us (emotionally? physically? whatever) eventually, but it shows the lengths we're willing to go through to relive those moments once more.

some company would be nice though =)

k0k s3n w4i said...

@michellesy
I won't let what's inside slip away. Love is love. If you stop giving when you aren't getting - it's not love to begin with. I promised myself that when I was sixteen.
P.S. We have had this conversation before, haven't we?

@zzzyun
Glad you tried again. We need more faith in this cynical, cynical world.
P.S. :)

@kit
It was a really, really good one. Sigh, they just don't make umbrellas like that anymore.

@Melly
You are pretty wise for someone so young ;)

@jen
The lengths scare me sometimes.
You up for a spot of traipsing in the drizzle?

michellesy who lacks rose-coloured glasses said...

We have, but in different words.

I have this to say - you are utterly true to yourself.

There is no discrepancy between what you say and what you blog.
Am I to assume that therefore no discrepancy exists between what you do and what you think either? *winks*

k0k s3n w4i said...

@michellesy
She loved this about me. I'm keeping myself that way.