Thursday, May 17, 2007

My Class Has SAP

"... and in this box right here is where you write warnings and precautions to be exercised when taking this drug. For example, if the drug you prescribed is known to cause addiction, you can write "Do not get addicted" there."

Dr. Sachidananda Adiga, Associate Professor of Pharmacology,
in a lecture on writing prescriptions

"LOL!" *then abruptly stopped after realising that no one else is laughing*

Me

Was I the only one who found that funny?


We are living in a terrifying world and age; one known for pandemic bogeymen, and their massive media over-sensationalism that threw the world’s population into terrifying episodes of global panic crises. We remember the SARS1 plague, and the hideous fashion trend of face-masks it started (and yeah, it killed some 800 people too). Then, there’s the H5N12 scare, the freaky incidence of a highly pathogenic virus making a species infective crossover from birds to hominid birdbrains - which is still out there killing some 75 people per year, with the numbers still rising resiliently. And worse, it’s killing the McNuggets chickens too.

The true threat of these pernicious bugs lies in their effective capabilities of really ‘getting around’. Take the H5N1 for example; which had practically hit every side of the globe at some time or other borne by the wings of infected wild-birds (and the worldwide phenomenon of KFC Party Buckets). The other viruses which cannot hitch rides from our feathered friends can always fly economy. One man who caught a caseload of SARS in Beijing can infect half the plane he takes to UK, infect some random number of strangers in the airport there, then infect another few dozen more on his exchange flight to the USA. Then, all of that man’s new-found SARS buddies would then spread the love wherever they go next; which is anywhere between Antarctica and the North Pole. After that, their SARS buddies would… well… I’m pretty sure you got the picture. Let’s hear it for global air travel!

The world’s people now wait with breaths bated for the next superflu to hit – and I think I’ve found it.

Introducing SAP, the newest killer epidemic currently running its rampant course through my lovable classmates of Batch 18 of Melaka-Manipal Medical College. The scariest thing is, we have no idea where it came from or how it’s transmitted between infected individuals (though we suspect a rather extensive involvement of the maturity of the brains of the stricken). Patients present some or all of these symptoms;
  • Hair-styles that offend the lecturers (which includes dyeing, bleaching, bizarre do’s, and length on some boys that would put Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s butt hair to shame).
  • T-shirts, or Polo necks.
  • Sandals/slippers/clogs
  • Jeans.

eye
Shaki’s bloody peeper caused by SAP3.

SAP stands for Severe Attitude Problem.

The standard treatment administered for cases of SAP includes the Dean’s plea for our cooperation and maturity to comply with the dress-code, to not mar the impression of outsiders on our college, and to start acting like the professional medical students that we are suppose to be. Alternatively, the Dean had also tried the ‘threat’ treatment, stating that sufferers of SAP who refuse to comply with the demands of the college would be sent out of the lecture hall in disgrace. Some patients of SAP responded positively to treatment but sadly, the majority of them are apparently suffering from a more vicious strain of SAP; the SAP2 (Severe Acute Persistent Self-destructive Attitude Problem), which no amount of therapy can fix.

Patients who contracted the SAP2 strain of the virus might also present an additional symptom;
  • Audible protests to lecture extension and extra classes – and unmasked loathing for other students who actually wants to learn or ask questions during lectures by calling them show-offs, nerds or suck-ups.
I recommend euthanasia for all those who display this particular manifestation of the disease. They deserve to be put out of their misery.

We are going to be doctors someday, aren’t we? Is wearing jeans to class that important to you?


That opinionated jerk,
k0k s3n w4i


1 Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (or Severe Acute Rip-off Scare; it only has a mortality rate of like 10%, you pussies).
2 Bird Flu-lah. Since I’m going to be a doctor, I better start using doctor jargons now.
3 Okay, I lied. That was not SAP. It was actually the result of Shaki’s eye playing crash-cart with one of Randeep’s fingernail during a Futsal game. Had Randeep been one of those Ah Bengs that keep one ugly, long fingernail on their pinkies to dig their body orifices with, Shaki would have gone one-half Stevie Wonder.

15 comments:

michelleg said...

im used to using H5N1 instead.

yea why must wear formal? can be irritating. i love wearing scrubs actually. it's quite comfy.. beats wearing the white coat.

pinksterz said...

i do wear jeans to lectures. :P

and high heels. :P :P

and t shirts. :P :P :P

:P :P :P :P

OMG! I AM ONE OF THE VICTIMS *gasp. gasp. gasp*

Jen said...

gosh.. such an epidemic spreading through a medical college? sad really. it doesnt take much effort does it, to look the part? some people just dont get it. and i dont get them.

fuolornis said...

IF my super memory is working. i rmb YOU wearing T-shirt to class before.

ccmmon man, MMMC is the most relaxing medical college in the whole wide world. And mind you: clean jeans are allowed but not dirty jeans. So jeans can-lah.

but for nxt yr, WE definitely need to wear something formal. I don't like doctors screwing me in the hospt in front of patients. Jaga muka...

to pinksterz: wearing high heels to lecture? S-E-X-Y!!! Does your high heels comes w the string string? I like those. Muahaha

k0k s3n w4i said...

@michelleg
Formal is uncomfortable? Frankly, I don't feel the difference. I've worn scrubs only once, when I went for my med attachment in Malacca's Hospital Besar

@pinksterz
Wait, I go get my Dean to treat you. ;p

@Jen
It's the teenage rebel in them; the need to exert their individuality. But of course, I expect most of it to be burned off during their teenage years... but

@fuolornis
You're super-memory is working fine. I've worn a T-shirt once (okay, twice) to class last year. But I don't have SAP2. I've reformed completely ;p ... Plus, i've never worn a pair of jeans in my life before.

But if MY super memory is working, I remember the last time Dean got pissed off with Cho Ken and then decreed that NO jeans should thenceforth be worn.

michelleg said...

din say uncomfortable but for guys they need to wear tie over here. so..

i wore it once also in malacca GH, i felt it was better than wearing white coats.

mrbherng said...

Dude, you are trying to say H5N1 right? Haemaglutinin 5 and neuraminidase 1 of influenza A that you meaning? And wrong facts, at the moment, no one case in the world is due to human to human infection. It has always been bird to human (not too sure about KFC though) since H5N1 is an avian influenza A as the amino acid 226 on the avian strain is a glutamine and not a leucine seen on a human strain. It had not mutated enough to pass from human to human just yet. Hope not though

Sorry exam fever. Anyway, what's wrong with wearing informally to school? We can even wear flip flops and beach wear to classes.

k0k s3n w4i said...

@michelleg
Ties don't bother me. I was a prefect, remember? LOL

@mrbherng
I went through my post again and I found that I didn't indicate anywhere that H5N1 was transmitted between humans (so I did not make any factual errors). I was talking about SARS when I was harping about airline spread.

About KFC; H5N1 can be transmitted via the blood and fluids of the cluckers, so mismanagement of meat preparation can aid in its spread (of course, I'm not saying KFC routinely mismanages their chickens; i'm just making a point about poultry ingestion)

And yeap, thanks for spotting that spelling error, btw. I wrote this post in the evening (my usual sleep time, but I'm trying to rearrange that right now to sometime more sane)

There's nothing wrong with being informal, as long as the rules say its okay - which isn't the case here. It's a simple discipline that people looking to work with lives someday fail to follow.

P.S. apparently, lots of websites are saying that human-to-human spread of H5N1 is actually more efficient than bird-to-human spread. I can't vouch for their veracity though.

pinksterz said...

and that's mean he (your dean) has to treat another 1500 students too mr cangkul.

i wonder if he's willing to treat us. all. ;p

to fuolornis:
nah, not those but mine is 5". i walk faster with heels rather than pumps. or sneakers.(so, i am being efficient here, not SAP-ic ;p)

Rabbit said...

La la la.. I even wear short pants to college. Ahaks!

bubbly soda said...

wait til i get to uni! lets see... I might be infected with SAP since, in secondary also kena called attitude problem. hehehe...

michellesy, fervent supporter that uniforms be worn when on rotation said...

Wow - Indian medical colleges sure are strict 0_o

Designated seating plans (go Shaki!), clothing restrictions, threats of impending disciplinary action - in fact I think it's turning into a facsimile of my high school.

ps: AHAHAHAAHAHA - was your Pharmacology lecturer trying to state the obvious or what?

"Don't get addicted" LOL!

What about "Don't overdose on these" or "Don't take these pills then drink THEN drive".

Or the more prosaic "Don't push these up your nose" ROTFL!

pps: You're only the 2nd guy I know who has never worn jeans. He gave out the same excuse as you did: they look uncomfortable.

But of course he doesn't object to ogling...er...admiring the female form when clad in figure-hugging denim hipsters. Go figure. Heh.

ppps: I have never been in scrubs, but I have to say, with lab coats, you either have it or you don't. Some people turn out looking like McDreamy (OK, OK, or that cute Aussie doctor from House, you anti-Grey's campaigner, you!). Others turn out looking like butchers or cooks wtf.

pppps: Having a dress code helps. Having an uniform is even better. Because then I don't have to rack my brain as to what to wear every single day.
Heh - what did I tell you? I am hopelessly incompetent at being female. Have to say though - 5 weeks of unrelieved polo top + black slacks monotony is starting to get a little soul-destroying.

k0k s3n w4i said...

@pinksterz
Treat you enough d. Your case is damn serious. XD
How can anyone walk faster wearing heels than wearing sneakers?!

@rabbit
I thought rabbits don't wear pants?

@bubbly soda
I think it's mostly medical schools that have stringent dress rules. Unless you're going to one, you need not worry, really.

@michellesy
Aha! You said you're an incompetent female. But incompetent females shouldn't even think about what to wear everyday. You're more female than you think you are. LOL.
I'd like to meet that guy friend of yours one day. We can have a cup of tea and talk about all the cute girls we've seen in sexay hipsters. Never have one day passed that I didn't thank God for inventing hipsters.

AhPau said...

LOL u guys actually have dress code?! We can wear anything we want to class =P
Some russian girls go to class in minskirts in the middle of winter too!

k0k s3n w4i said...

DAMN! I knew I should have gone to Russia instead...