Dear McDonald's

"You know what? I'm going to keep sending emails to McDonald's till they open a restaurant here in Manipal. You guys are going to crown me a hero when I succeed."

Me

"Haha. Good luck."

Inn Shan

2 Grilled chicken patties with a smoke-flavoured mayonnaise, fresh onions, tomatoes, processed cheddar cheese in a toasted sesame seeded bun.

Mixed vegetables (carrot, beans, capsicum, onion and green peas), mozzarella cheese mixed with tomato sauce and spice blend coated with a savoury dough.

A traditional Mexican soft flat bread that envelops crispy golden brown cottage cheese encrusted with a Mexican Cajun coating, and a salad mix of iceberg lettuce, carrot, red cabbage and celery, served with eggless mayonnaise, tangy Mexican Salsa sauce and cheddar cheese.

Breaded fried vegetable patty consist of peas, carrots, green, beans, red capsicum, potatoes, onions, rice and seasoning. The burger also includes lettuce, eggless mayonnaise in a toasted sesame seed bun.

A rich Béchamel eggless sauce mixed with exotic vegetables like broccoli, baby corn, mushrooms, red capsicum and freshly baked on rectangular spiced bread with a cheese topping.

Fried breaded potato & peas patty that is flavoured with a special spice mix, fresh tomato slices, onion, and veg. tomato mayonnaise between toasted buns.

A crispy patty that is seasoned with oriental flavours, topped with a creamy vegetarian Schezwan sauce and crunchy iceberg lettuce and served between two fresh buns.

A traditional Mexican soft flat bread that envelops crispy golden brown chicken encrusted with a Mexican Cajun coating, and a salad mix of iceberg lettuce, carrot, red cabbage and celery, served with eggless mayonnaise, tangy Mexican Salsa sauce and cheddar cheese.

Grilled chicken patty flavoured with mint mayonnaise, and dressed with fresh onions and tomatoes in a toasted bun.

A blend of Italian tomato curry sauce tempered with thyme, basil and oregano mixed with chicken and capsicum, freshly baked on a rectangular spiced bread and topped with cheese.

Note: Images and food blurbs courtesy of www.mcdonaldsindia.com

My man, Ronnie McDee (or Ronald McDonald to you un-hep folks)

Dear Ronnie McDee,

Hi, I am a second year medical student from Malaysia and I am writing to you from the university town of Manipal, Karnataka. I just want you to know that I am an enormous fan of your excellent, assembly-line-mass-produced, obesity inducing express cuisine (a term I prefer over the vulgar colloquialism of "fast food"). Long live the McD empire! May all those who stand against your inexorable capitalistic march to global dominance contract monkey syphilis and die.

I write to you, Ron, to draw your attention that the only mainstream express cuisine franchises currently in operation in Manipal are Domino’s pizzeria and Subway’s sandwich joint which, between them, enjoys a lucrative, unchallenged full monopoly on the lard-assed populace of this unassuming township. What you and your army of corporate vultures are probably unaware of is just how wildly profitable that monopoly really is. Let me paint you a picture, Ronnie;

Imagine a town which – at any given time – houses at least 15,000 university students between the ages of 18 and 25. A good 600 to 700 from that figure are homesick undergrads from Malaysia who would barf their stomachs out if they have to eat another bloody parotta. There’s also another 200 or so Americans living here and as you probably already know, McD practically makes up their staple diet back home. But here, they are forced instead to make do with Domino’s pizzas and Subway’s submarine sandwiches because there isn’t a single proper burger place to be found (Doesn't that make you sick? Doesn't the make your blood boil, Ronnie?). Having so many teenagers and young adults being monetarily capable of receiving tertiary education, and university lecturers and doctors with way-above-average paycheck, Manipal’s population can easily afford (and rightly deserve) a higher standard of living. They should have the privilege and convenience of stuffing their faces silly with junk food commercialized crap pricier, semi-nourishing, pseudo-victuals anytime they want.

Economy 101, Ron; supply versus demand. Currently, supply is wee Frodo Baggins, while demand is Godzilla’s sumo-wrestling grandpa. What are you going to do about that?

Tell you what, Ronnie. I’ll strike you a deal. If you open a branch here in Manipal – preferably a 24-hour one – I promise that I will spend each and every mealtime in your establishment (but please serve Sausage McMuffin with Egg™ for breakfast). Will you shake on that?

I await your answer eagerly, Ronnie. Think it through and do what’s right. Think of the money you can wring out of us poor hungry suckers.



P.S. If you’re not interested, I’ll just write to Burger King then.

Your average McGlutton,
k0k s3n w4i

P.S. Fellow Manipalites, do your part and go spam McDonald’s India’s inbox with our pleas at myfeedback@mcdonaldsindia.com. Or you can call them at 66000666 (No, I’m not kidding. They really use the Beast's number for their delivery hotline).

Addendum (12.02.2011): I heard that they finally opened a McDonald's outlet in Manipal, years after I have left. Bah. Anyway, I hate McD's now.

Building a better Manipal,

k0k s3n w4i