Monday, April 23, 2007

Signs of India

"Blogging is lame."

Me, less than a year ago


Words will be minimal in today’s post (frankly, I don’t have many words left in me after that UTSAV inter-college creative writing affair). Today, I finally decided to head to Udupi1 to buy myself the pair of sandal I’ve been meaning to get since two weeks ago – how’s that for procrastination?

I opted to hire an auto there instead of taking the bus. For the benefit of those unfamiliar with this vehicular animal, this is how one looks like;


Looks pretty dull, huh? But let me assure you; riding one on the road between Manipal and Udupi is definitely not for the cowardly, pregnant and those with cardiac problems. I had no less than four near death experiences in this journey alone;


Flimsy, three-wheeled excuse for a vehicle zipping at 60 km/h + a two way road that has the width of a cow-path + buses and trucks zipping at 80 km/h from the other direction = THAT WAS SOME FRIGGIN’ AWESOME RIDE, DUDE!

The Udupi Bus Station.

The girls are particularly fond of Udupi *coughshopaholicscough* and some would even visit it on a weekly basis. Me? I never liked the damn place – too bloody noisy, smoky, fishy, garbagey for my taste. And I was never much of a spender anyway (lest we’re talking about Kinokuniya, Borders and MPH here)

The only thing that interests me here is the way the shops are named. For example, let’s take a look at this fine specimen of a bicycle shop;

Noble Cycles.

It’s seriously pretty presumptuous to consider those plastic, kiddy bikykles to be anything near nobility at all. The nerve!

Angel Broking.

I guess this must be some sort of brokerage but how can one be sure, really? For all I know, they may be holding some serious grudge against angels.

The Biggest Showroom.

Sheesh. But wait till you see the real name of this "biggest showroom";

Silk Hina.

Hina sial! Haha.

Sabah Fashion – His and Her and Little Ones too!

Holy cow2! I’m a Malaysian and I don’t even know what folks in Sabah wear. I always imagined that the state comprised entirely of Kadazan and Bajau Laut tribes – they dress au naturel, don’t they?

Sad Guru Dress Centre.

Where depressed teachers go to get their togs – Est. since the invention of children.

Asma Cassette Corner.

I bought my Edifier Multimedia Speakers from this shop. So, this is the reason why Mariah Carey tends to wheeze whenever I play her through them?

Shopper’s Shop.

Duh – uh.

Ding Dong House of Electronics.

Ding Dongs? As in "I want to jump around buck naked singing 'Jingle Bells' and shakey-shake my ding dongs?"

Sai Cellular’s.

Sh!t so small you’ll need a microscope to see them (Check out Poseur Beardy, bottom right).

Mysore Medical Stores.

Holy sh!t3, it rhymes!

"If you have lots of pain and sores,
Come to Mysore Medical Stores!"

Catchy stuff, that.

Shams Land Links.

I don’t know what "land links" are but if they are shams, I’m not buying any!

Maybe that explained why they went bankrupt. Poor morons.

Digi Con Services.

Use Maxis.

Sphatika Residential Apartments.

This is the sponsored segment of today’s post;

"Sphatika! A phremier reshidenshee phor lihsping sphastics. We cater to all youhr lihsping sphastic needhs!"

Forgive me, Father, for I had succumbed to the temptation of indulging in lameness.

Trade Centaur.

Hey, that’s not how a centaur looks like! A real centaur looks like this;

Half horse, half pornstar. *Rawr*

Shanker Building.

I don’t really know why but that just sounds so wrong.

Sheetal.

Diarrhoea Delight! Cholera Cones! Ingest their ice-creams and you’re going to "shit all" out one hour later - in puree form.

Shoe Kemp.

Huh?

Shoe Ground.

How thoughtful of the shop’s proprietor to provide instructions on using his products.

Goodwill Shoes.

Ever wondered where that pair of clobber nightmare you donated to the church ultimately ended up in?

Solo Shoes.

ROTFLMAOOAOAOAOA4!!! Look, if you don’t get the joke, I’m not going to tell you.

Shoe Mahal.

This is the shop no Malaysians shopped in. Gosh, I wonder why?


Sign spotter,
k0k s3n w4i

1 The nearest town to Manipal that has a passable selection of shops
2 I’m pretty sure this phrase has its origin in India.
3 I’m pretty sure this one was too.
4 Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off over and over and over and over again.

8 comments:

fuolornis said...

1. Going down to udupi by bus/auto is outdated. Why not try riding a bike down to udupi? Wheezing pass buses along the roads of udupi and then back to manipal. That is what is call kick ass!

2. 3rd picture, bottom right... WTH??

3. If those centaur in greek looks like this back then, i'm sure Plato and Phythagoras won't be so busy with their philosophy...

P/S: Just a note. Me n fyew rode down to udupi. *We rock man fyew!!*

michelleg said...

ur so funny!!! heheh.. anyways, i like the way u place all ur 'koksenwai.blogspot.com'. pretty cool!

ur so hooked to blogging now dont u..

michellesy said...

LOLZ!

Btw, I didn't notice where you'd placed your blogspot urls in the pictures until michelleg pointed it out.

Except for the er....centaur one that is =P

And how was the UTSAV competition? Didst thou brandish thy quill with unrelenting ferocity, felling thy foes with a single stroke?

ps: You did get the sandals in the end, didn't you? =)

Wan Yean said...

here in johor we have KEDAI GUNTING RAMBUT SAI. and they wonder why their business is shitty.

Michelle Chin said...

Angel Broking? Solo (SO-LOH)Shoes, Biggest Showroom and Mysore Medical....

The shops are named in a funny way.
I couldn't help but to guffaw right into the screen. WAHAHAHAHAHA

And the best one: SADGURU

You've just brightened my gloomy day today. The weather here's bad as hell. =(

k0k s3n w4i's said...

@fuolornis
1. But the auto-driver will do crazy stunts overtaking massive lorries on that narrow road. You guys got mae? ;p
2. The remains of a brave auto-driver that is now in auto-heaven.

Next time you ride down, tape a camera to the front of your bike.

@michelleg
Thanks, it's a hobby =). I just thought it'd be pretty boring if my URL just stay in one corner all the time.

@michellesy
3 Malaysian students vs 60 locals (the results aren't out tho' but I'm not hopeful). Will talk about it more in my next post.
Ps: the backstrap of the sandal bites =(

@wanyean
They shud know better. Urgh, sai + hair. Not a good image, that.

@michelle chin
I actually stood in front of Solo Shoes and laughed myself silly for a minute (these fits, they come sometimes). I keep having this image in my mind of them selling only one side of the shoes.
Bad weather? I can only wish.

Jen said...

that was bloody hilarious!!! oh gosh, good stuff man. why dont we have such wicked shop names here in malaysia huh. where's our darn creativity!??

if i were eating while reading this post, i'd hv died choking at "sad guru". once again, hahhaha!!!

k0k s3n w4i's said...

@jen
Well, I used to think that KLCIssy was hell of a hit =p