Sunday, April 01, 2007

Bye

"So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go,
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again'
Oh babe, I hate to go."


John Denver, Leaving on a Jet Plane (1967)



The last time that I stood facing the Straits of Malacca in the morning was more than six months ago. I remember that six months ago, it was drizzling lightly, and I had company. Though a camera wasn't a luxury I owned back then, rest assured that the same seaside six months ago - every salt-beaten rock, every break of wave - was photographed in my mind.

This time, I had company as well; Her name is Desolation.


How swiftly a month long vacation flew, I thought to myself but neither in sadness nor in anger. No, instead of emotions, I am experiencing the lack of thereof. It's like a vacuum really, keeping both cold and warmth from touching me - and keeping me so far away that if I should wander into a concert crowd, a scream would still sound like a whisper.

A year flew just a swiftly as that one month.

And so did five.


Come to think of it, my entire life to date whizzed by in under an hour. That's the beauty of the human brain; a summarised-one-hour-review of our entire existence anytime we call for one with all the bad times cut out and hidden somewhere in a neural Recycle Bin.

I bet those cut-out times leave memory-sized holes in our recollections. Someone who have had a lot of unhappy times probably have gazillions of holes in theirs.

Is that why I'm feeling this vacuum - having so many bits missing?


What I'll miss most is probably the town I live in. I can call my family. I can chat with my friends. But there's no conceivable way I can access my hometown from India.

Funny, I never knew how much I loved Malacca till I was completely broken off from it. It's a place I can confidently weave through any street and be exactly sure where I am. I know all the short-cuts. I know exactly where to get buy any particular object and the best places to grab a bite. I know this place completely.

Something important or defining in my life had happened in every single spot in this town.

Every single one including right here, by the lapping waters of the Straits.


The night before my visit to this place, I did not sleep a single wink.

Right now, as I'm writing this down, I'm suffering from a constant dull buzz in my head - owing to yet another night spent outside my bed.

Somehow, over the course of my month long vacation, I managed to double the period of my sleep-wake cycle - hitting the sack only once every two days. This can't be healthy at all.

Maybe I just wanted to stay awake longer. Maybe some tiny part in my brain is making that happen for me.

Odessa (ripped from her and cut according to her specifications because she thinks she's fat).

Thank you, Odessa, for your great company. Thanks for making me feel that much less empty.

If anyone's interested in knowing a little more about this truly amazing girl, do visit her blog here.

Ps: By the time you read this, I'm probably already back in Manipal and stuck there with no internet connection. I owe michelleg one for helping me to post this up as I'll be offline for a rather big bit of time. I was rather undecided about posting this actually - and as you can see, I finally made up my mind.


From one fool to another,
k0k s3n w4i

2 comments:

Innocent^^Guy said...

Wat the? How come the link to her 'blog' seems to be some porno website? Did I just get fcuked?

k0k s3n w4i said...

Happy All Fool's Day to you!