Thursday, July 12, 2007

Please Take Note of This

"Don't drink water. Fish had sex in it."

Seen as Tai Yee Hsian's MSN status message

He's an ex-college mate of mine, by the way.

What does the quote above have to do with this post? None whatsoever! I just put that here because I can't think of anything cooler. It is a marriage of convenience of sorts, a partnership of circumstances so to speak - so you can shove that said quote right out of your mind and up someone's bottom (if that rocks your socks), and concentrate on what I really mean to inform you about right now, right here.

I have elected to embark on a mission, a crusade if you so prefer that term, which would by every account and in all probability, consume the remainder of my time this week - whatever is left of it in present state. Such a long period of time have elapsed in which I had been unmotivated, demoralised, beleaguered with the tendency to simulate inactivity, and left in the throes (if I may select such a contradictory term to partner the next noun just for the plain sake of further purple-prosing this already alarmingly muddied paragraph) of lethargy and emotional inanition. Now, I am roused (which is an entirely separate entity from 'aroused', and does not share the innuendo or the affinity to induce stifled giggles that the lengthier word possesses) to champion a cause I deemed and still deem worthy! I am commoved to consign to this figurative campaign, bestirred to bolster this metaphorical blitz, all for the most regarded of reasons and praiseworthy of priorities.

If you have been philanthropically offering me your rapt attention up till this point, you would no doubt be nursing a nagging, niggling notion that I have volunteered absolutely no information, factoid, or intelligence of the slightest ruddy bit of value at all for the pleasure of your perusal of my text ad tedium. That suspicion of course, is fully justified and currently confirmed by no less of an authority (and there can be none greater) than yours sincerely. The reason for this seemingly unreasonable bombardment of your right to readership is so simple as to be nearly intuitive will be offered to you with no further supererogatory delay right this moment in toga candida, without wax and practically almost undisguised: I have no intention whatsoever of sharing with you what I'm really up to. So forgive my employment (as I've exemplified amply) of vivifying vernacular, vexatious vocabulary, vague verbiage, and vehement verbosity to baffle and befuddle, disorient and discombobulate, confound and confuse, mislead and misdirect, omit and obnubilate, take you for a ride around the proverbial town, pull the proverbial wool over your eyes, and intentionally, with undue private amusement, force-fed you with the linguistic equivalent of merde de taureau which I believe, and am reasonably sure of, is French for bovine ordure, which in turn in uppity, hoity-toity, pseudo-polite English means utter bullshit.

The point is (ah, clarification!) that I am issuing a notice to everyone concerning my privacy, which under no conceivable circumstance should suffer violation during the evenings and nights of Thursday (today) and Friday, the morning and afternoon of Saturday, and that small window of time between 3.00 pm and 5.30 pm on Sunday (though aside the hours I have duly mentioned, I am my usual hospitable self). If anyone should be so brave as to ring my doorbell at the foreordained times, I shall retaliate by putting more holes than a colander in his or her body with a shotgun, and subsequently mount the interloper's head on a pike outside my front door to discourage further ill-advised incursions into my hearth and home.

That is all.

P.S. If you breath even a single word about this, bevE, I'll book the next flight back to Malaysia and eat you alive.

k0k s3n w4i


bevE said...

OMG k0kee'S LOSING HIS VIRGINITY TO A GAY ELEPHANT ! T^T i applaud such bravery and determination.

(to everyone else, this statement is very true if you think about it =D) xD (ignore me) (wait no ignore that last few lines =.=)

what was i gonna say?

oh, i'd like to see how you try find me, whether i'd still be in KL or not, and how exactly you'd 'devour'. and i am NOT slow.

Zzzyun said...

omg that paragraph is so freaking longish. and confusing. blek.

u do go to great lengths to reeunumerate a statement eh? tsk tsk.

anyway i saw that quote on his msn too... and tot it was rather farny. lol.

k0k s3n w4i said...

slow? yes, you are! you still don't get it. tsk tsk.


reenumerate? that word don't exist :p ... maybe you're looking for reiterate, repeat, reecho, restate, paraphrase, or reword? XD

Zzzyun said...

really ke? (too lazy to check)

well if it doesn't exist, then i invented it. haha...