Consider This a Public Service Announcement

"You can't eat just one... Lagi bet!"

Lay's slogan in India

No. I don't know what 'lagi' means in Hindi, or in whatever dialect it is written.

I fancy myself as a connoisseur of junk food, and every time a something new appears in the processed victual market (euphemisms; gotta love 'em), I have to try it no matter what.

Yesterday, on my nightly routine trip to the Nandini Milk Parlour Convenience Store which is practically situated right outside my house¹, I spotted this sitting on the chips' rack;

It seemed like a good idea at that time.

I'm a huge fan of Lay's potato chips, and it's a good thing that they only cost about 20 rupees (RM 1.70) per big bag here in India. At the standard Malaysian price (the last time I checked), I'd bankrupt my parents by December at the rate I'm stuffing my face with them here.

Another thing I'm really (really, really, really) fond of is mint. On countless occasions, I was warned that mint can cause impotence in males. That's a crock of poppycock. Mint is actually recommended by herbalists to treat cases of "can't-get-it-up". You know what really cause impotence? Pumpkin seeds, that's what. And smoking. And sauna.

Mint is manhood, man!

When I was in Malaysia, I always had a pack of Cloret's Optimints somewhere in my pockets and you can see me popping one (or two at a time) every minute of the day. Here in India, I feed my addiction with Altoids ("The Original Celebrated Curiously Strong Mints") but I do so at a much more sedate pace because a single teeny, pocket-size tin of it costs several nuclear bombs. Mint tea, mint-cream cakes, naan with mint sauce, mint-sauce-smothered lamb - so long as it got mint in it, it has a free pass into my gut.

But mint flavoured potato crisps? Do I dare?

I did.

As soon as I ripped the bag open, a heavenly aroma wafted up to me. I spent a few seconds with my eyes close, just basking in the fragrant, minty scent - not unlike some uppity wine taster inhaling the bouquet from a glass of Chardonnay from a particularly good year. With fastidious fingers, I selected a well-shaped piece, gave it the merest shake to discard excess salt, and popped it ceremoniously into my mouth.

I expected the chips to have nothing more than a slight hint of mint (haha, hint of mint) but they were positively soaked in minty freshness, with a soft chorus of light Indian spices in the background. It's very similar to the savoury mint sauce we usually get with some Indian dishes. Good.

But after the initial flavour glow faded, the chips betrayed an unpleasant masala aftertaste. Not good.

I'm perfectly fine with most Indian cuisines, but for some reason or other, I can never get used to the taste of masala. Once, I bought a packet of masala flavoured Lay's - it's in a blue bag with the legend Magic Masala emblazoned boldly across its front. I only ate two pieces before I dumped the whole packet onto my roommate. The only thing "Magic" about it was that it's the first snack food to ever taste bad enough for me not to finish it.

I give Lay's Mint Mischief potato chips a 5 out of 10. It's a novelty to try, but it's not something I'll buy every time.

Damn, I'm a food critic now!

Now that we're on the subject of food and breath-freshening edibles;

Some stuff they give you after your meals in India.

See those green, rice-shaped pellets in the picture above? Those are fennel seeds. You get a free dip into the communal plate after every meal in most eateries here in Manipal. The keyword here is 'communal'. Hundreds of people probably touch those seeds everyday. Half of them probably scratched their unmentionables right before they touch them.

And see that grimy piece of yellow paper there with a spot of oil in its middle? That's the bill for my meal. That's what they do with every customer's bill - they stick it into the 'communal' plate of fennel seeds and plunk it under their noses after they are done eating. Chances are, the waiter probably scratched his unmentionables too right before he handed me that plate and bill.

Fennel seeds supposedly freshens the breath when you chew on them. And it is said to have a diuretic effect as well (diuretic means "more pee", if you don't know that).

I rather take my chance with bad breath, Thank You Very Much.

Remember, only YOU can stop the next super-flu epidemic!

Or in the local vernacular;

Remember, YOU only can stop the next super-flu epidemic!²

Trying on a new shade of lame,
k0k s3n w4i

¹ Now you've discovered the reason why it's so difficult for me to pretend to stick to any diet plan
² I know it's unkind to make fun of other people's verbiage, but it still cracks me up every time one of my lecturers says that. Sorry.