Saturday, July 07, 2007

A Moment Like This


"Why won't you ever look back at me when you're walking away?"


Something I once asked someone a long time ago
when I am still allowed to ask her silly questions

Three days ago on a Wednesday afternoon, I saw a girl whose name I have yet to learn to spell. She smiled at me and so I smiled back, adding a slight decorous nod of my head in the manner I am accustomed to when I greet ladies. I had a half a conversation with her once, which should have been a full one had it not suffer an untimely and unfortunate interruption.

I am of the opinion that conversations are only complete if its participants have said their goodbyes. Goodbyes were certainly something we did not exchange.


Three days ago on a Wednesday afternoon, our paths crossed silently and marked an imaginary 'X' on the ground. We met at a single point, lingered at it for as long as it was needed to pass it, and began walking away from that point as soon as we reach it.

A strange sensation gripped me as I walked away. It felt exactly like the sort of feeling I get when I drop something very expensive and very breakable - that helplessness in the short heartbeat between the instant that object leaves my hand and the moment it hits the floor and shatters. I felt as if there's something I should do but I knew not what. In that second of hesitance and the barely perceptible slowing of the pace of my steps, I turned to look where she had gone.

I found that she had turned her head as well.

Our eyes met for the second time and, if it is even possible, for a much briefer period. It was broken when I looked away abruptly with a feeble attempt at nonchalance - as if being caught in the embarrassing act of looking back after someone is an inordinately frequent occurrence in my daily life. I felt helplessness washing over me, but it was not the same kind of helplessness I feel when I drop something very expensive and breakable. No, it was the type of helplessness I feel when I realise that someone saw me drop that very expensive and breakable object, and there's no chance in hell I can deny it.

I do not know how she reacted. Did she abruptly turned away sheepishly like I did? Did she stare after me as I quickly made my getaway, suspecting perhaps that I have been furtively observing her derrière? Did she in fact scratched her head in puzzlement of why a person who is almost a stranger - whose name she have yet to learn to spell as well - was stealing a glance after her?

I am going to ask her one day, in that conversation I meant to complete.

Looking Back
The artist of this piece got the idea when he was taking a bath with a special lady of his.

Once there was a girl I walked with often, and walked home just as frequent. When we reach her place and we say our goodbyes, I would stay there and watch her as she walks away. She would become smaller with distance with every step she took - and I would watch right till the moment she disappears behind a door or round a corner.

Now, I no longer walk with her.

If there's ever a reason to resent that three years I have walked her home, it is that she never once looked back at where she left me.






P.S. Right this moment is the 7th second of the 7th minute of the 7th hour of Saturday, the 7th day of the week,
on the 7th of July, which is the 7th month of the year '07.



Looking back,
k0k s3n w4i

9 comments:

baby sa said...

a very nice piece of art:)
ah..that kinda feeling, kinda nostalgic.
btw, you woke up so early?7am?!

fuolornis said...

i did take note of 07.07.07 07:07:07 a few mths back but couldn't bother about it this morning

Was too tired to think about it as we slept at 4 this morning after a gaming marathon

pinksterz said...

you really post this thing at 7:07AM?

fuolornis: never mind got 7:07 PM :P

Jen said...

i was the one standing and looking while he walked off down the street and round the corner.

all i got was a glare and a cold shoulder because he was leaving me behind on purpose.

sometimes, that small coy backwards glance is all you want from that someone walking away. a slight motion of the head sends tremors in the heart. a sort of reaffirmation that they're walking away from you with the utmost reluctance. and that they'll be walking back to you again soon.

k0k s3n w4i said...

@baby sa
It's strange how a simple arrangement of tealights can say so much.
I wasn't early. it's just that I didn't sleep.

@fuolornis
It's also a Saturday, the 7th day of the week.

@pinksterz
yes, I did. thought I didn't realise it till I've finished writing the post and realised that it's already morning.

@jen
I was beginning to wish I've only written that cool time and date (it's a lot more interesting, I suppose, than my ramblings), and bin the rest of the sentiments.

Luckily you came along.

...that they're walking away from you with the utmost reluctance. and that they'll be walking back to you again soon.

you read my heart, Jen. Thank you.

What else can we do when people walk away, but walk away as well, and will that we have the strength to stop ourselves from looking back.

sXydeViL said...

who is that?

k0k s3n w4i said...

@susu
secret.

Crux said...

This has got to be the most elaborate excuse for furtively observing a girl's derrière that I have ever come across.

k0k s3n w4i said...

@crux
this is what you say if you're caught.
but seriously, I wasn't checking her out :)