How I Got Attacked and Survived

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect."

Chapter I of The Metamorphosis,
Franz Kafka

I was out at the back of Acharya Compound, checking out Mom and her litter of pups - which she produced shortly after Socks Mother's Day event. Her nest was nothing more than a shallow hollow in the red earth right beside an anthill and all exposed to the irascible elements of the Indian clime. During a rainstorm, someone had so kindly moved Mom and her li'l teat-suckers to a place with a more auspicious feng-shui (less feng and less shui).



Single Mom.
Mr Good Samaritan had also thoughtfully provided an umbrella (a bit of it seen in the top left of the picture above) so that the raindrop spray wouldn't shower the single mother and her four pupsicles. There was initially 6 (or 5) to begin with but life expectancy for puppies here is kind of bleak. Only one survived the previous combined litters of Mom and Socks. Yes, death happens to cutesey puppies too - not just to overreaching drug junkies, terminal cancer patients and Saddam Hussein.

Then I saw this praying mantis swaying rapturously as if in deep religious bliss (it'd probably speak in tongues as well if it had a tongue) on the umbrella,



"~!@#$%^&*+"
I got its attention soon enough. It turned it's head around and looked me right in the face (well, camera lense, but you get what I mean),



"Ya lookin' at me, punk?"
And below is the picture I took right before it leapt and flew at me - and tried to kill me,



*Roar!*
With a whirr of wings (and probably also a battle cry too high pitched for human ears), it landed right on my crotch and I tried to shake it off by doing a rapid succession of seriously sexy pelvic thrusts - I bet that must have been hilarious to watch but unfortunately for the rest of you, no one was around to video tape it and turn it into a YouTube meme.

It then quickly scuttled from my unmentionables to my butt and for all those that have tried to look at their butt before without the aid of a mirror, they'd know just how bloody difficult it is to check out your own bum properly. I'm not normally spooked by bugs. I'm pretty comfortable around their ilk and I once carried a praying mantis in my hands to the mess hall to freak Shaki out during breakfast - but a mad insect with sharp, pointy appendages going guerilla on my nether region is a big nono. Naturally, I started panicking and tried to shake it off. Please, don't ask me what I was shaking.

I stopped after a awhile, thinking that the green ninja bug couldn't possible have held on after so much gyrating. I cautiously ran a hand over my pant seat and touched nothing out of the ordinary.

Then I peered on my right shoulder - and the mantis was perched right there, looking as ugly as fuck and waving its lethal looking claws threateningly at my face.

I flicked it off, no longer caring if I might hurt the little creep. My beautiful face was at stake there.

It landed on a windowsill.



"I seeeee yooouuu!"
I don't know whether it was because it saw me in the window pane or that it had a real bone to pick with glass, but it started menacing my reflection.

Like this,



*slash slash stab stab* "Die now, bitch! Grrr!"
After awhile, it apparently got tired of that and turned around, finding me again,



"C'mere you!"
I backed away real slowly.

This has been another meaningless filler post brought to you by me. The ol' Compaq is back but I'd have to reinstall the broadband connection thingamajig before I can come online again. Signing off from Shaki's girlfriend's laptop now (she's in Goa for the weekend). A Happy Belated Diwali to one and all!



Survived a mantis attack,
k0k s3n w4i