Random Excrements

"I can stand a giraffe on my face. Brilliant."

Orked, Sepet (2004)

Yet another example of a wizard movie poster.

Less than an hour ago, I watched Sepet on DVD while slurping from a smashing bowl of Maggi soup + egg.

Sadly, I enjoyed the Maggi more. Please don't stone me.

The two things that really, really pulled down the quality of this production were;

• Crappy Malaysian actors.
• Really 'janggal' dialogues that left me with a 'WTF' expression half the time.

That guy who played Ah Loong AKA Jason can't act for ketupats (but thankfully, he looked good). That guy who played Ah Loong's best buddy, Ah Keong, was a couple million times worse (but not only because he looked like a cicak, mind you). I've never seen more awkward, contrived scenes than those that contained this two in them.

The best member of the cast was probably Sharifah Amani (Orked) because I did not flinch every time she opened her mouth to speak (and also because she's hot). And to their credit, Kak Yam, Orked's Mom and Dad carried their roles adequately.

As a love story, this film flopped but completely, but I'll admit that it's a pretty clever social commentary. The best bits from this movie were;

• Orked and her girlfriend's conversation about how the white-folks influenced the cultures they conquered (though this part could have been more gracefully written).
• Ah Loong's and Ah Keong's conversation in the hospital about how people were strangely more intolerant towards interracial marriages in modern times compared to the Malacca Sultanate era (the stuff they said were commendable - their acting still sucked).
• Kak Yam and Orked's conversation about Orked receiving a scholarship even though she only had 5 A's in SPM, with subtle implications that Ah Loong didn't despite having 7 (that touched a string, because I got 7 as well).

Halfway through the flick, I was already awarding it a 2/10 in my mind. Mukshin, in spite of all its flaws, did make me laugh out loud a few times.

But luckily, the last few scenes managed to salvage whatever remained of this depth-bound dinghy. It's like what we used to say back in my DOTA days; it does not matter how many matches you lose as long as you win the last one.

The flashback to all the good times Orked and Ah Loong had to the sound of his handphone ringing was definitely a winner. At the end of all the happy times, I was shown a scene where the handphone was lying on the asphalt beside an unconscious Ah Loong who bled all over the road. But surprisingly, against all expectations (or the lack of thereof), we were treated to a scene where Orked, who was calling, managed to get through and actually talked to Ah Loong.

So what's up with that?

• Was Ah Loong actually not as badly hurt as he appeared to be and woke up to answer Orked's call?
• Digi got line even in Hell?*

My guess was Yasmin Ahmad was merely showing us an alternate ending; a brief glimpse of the possible happiness that Orked and Ah Loong could have had - had he not been killed in the road-crash. There was some sad beauty in that, and that redeemed the entire movie from crap-dom, in my list.

5.5/10, because I felt this was a teensy bit above the average mark. 0.5 mark for the honest commentary of Malaysian culture, 1 mark because I liked the ending, and 4 because Sharifah Amani was hot stuff.

*The number that Ah Loong slipped to Orked was definitely a 016 number.

Fun with Engrish. Random picture stored up in My Documents.

Here's an old poem I wrote in the Fifth Form, that I recently rediscovered scribbled on a piece of paper. It wasn't my best, but I'm afraid the bulk of my works have went missing. S'pity.

Encore

Let the first note break the peace,
Listen, we shall start the piece.

I will begin softly,
For I am afraid,
Lest it be distorted,
By wrong notes played,
Then I shall hasten,
I shall give you the cue,
That is where, I wish,
You will come in too.

Then,

As the dimminuendo,
Heralds the end,
Concluding, by hopes,
We can still be friends,
Finishing, with regrets,
With naught, and the chorus,
Neither in the middle,
Or at the first.

Then, returning to the initial beat,
I promise, I shall repeat.

I was such a hopeless romantic last time. At the prime of my 'jiwang'-ness, I churn out bad poetry daily. I'll award myself this;

Want one?

Here's a survey/forward mail/thingamajig tag from fuolornis. You can stop reading now if you've reached this far.

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italicise the statements that you wish are true.
Leave the fibs alone.
Then, stab 3 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I do not watch TV these days. (And I'm damn proud of it)
I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Keyword: usually)
I have changed mentally over the last year. (Like going insane because of Med School? Hell yeah!)
I curse. (Like a sailor, mate)
I’m totally smart. (I'm also totally dishonest)
I need money right now. (There's this car I wan to buy...)
I love sushi. (And wasabi)
I have at least one sibling. (Now, ask me whether I have tried siblicide)
I am usually pessimistic. (So I can always either be proven right or pleasantly surprised. Sounds like a good deal to me)
I have a lot of mood swings. (Like a girl, a girl once said to me)
I have a hidden talent. (And bloody well hidden it is too)
I am currently single. (Stop reminding me)
I love to shop. (For books!)
I would rather shop than eat. (Only if it's books)
I have a cell phone. (When was this survey thing started? 1984?)
I’m not allergic to anything. (Jealous?)
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past. (She's too good for him. Honest)
I have tried alcohol before. (A month ago. So you can stop calling me a pansy, Dad)
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. (Whooo... lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
I’m obsessed with girls. (If only it's the other way round)
I study for tests most of the time. (Keyword: most)
I am comfortable with who I am right now. (Comfort and contentment are two very different things)
I love sea turtles. (Finger lickin' good)
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream. (Ah, to be able to touch my toes one day!)
I love sci-fi movies. (I love movies. Period)
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses. (I love a lot of other things as well but that's another story)
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle. (Big deal)
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither. (I'd be such a hit with the ladies)
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I can’t stick to a diet. (Guilty)
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with. (This is easy. I can't stand most of the people I work with)
I am an adrenaline junkie. (This... is... SPARTA!)

I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (If it involves leather and whips, count me in)
I have tried marijuana. (Try everything once, says my ol' Dad)
I have been in a threesome. (A filial son listens to his ol' Dad)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I talk really, really fast. (Like Cyndi. Now that's talent)
I like the way I look.
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I believe in God. (I heard lots of good stuff about this guy)
I’ve rejected someone before. (Now, won't that be nice?)
I’ve called the cops on a friend before. (There was this business of rolling old tires down the Ayer Keroh freeway...)
I’m shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career. (If only I'm sexy enough)
I am happy at this moment! (I find blogging to be about as joyful as undergoing appendectomy)
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument. (Chicks dig musicians. Poets and authors usually die virgin)
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I have jumped off a bridge. (Should have done so years ago prior to adulthood)
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (Unfortunately, I know why)
I talk in my sleep.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I love being happy. (I like being miserable more because it's cooler)

I wear glasses or contact lenses. (Eyes like gimlets, I tell ya)
I love to play video games.
I’m paranoid sometimes. (Try all the time)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I have long hair. (Haha)
I have lost money in Las Vegas. (Nope, but my Dad did. He and his 'try everything once' mantra)
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID. (But why?)
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. (I'm a sloth no matter how much sugar I have)
I have a lot of friends. (Where?)
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (Sorry, Dad)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (I own neither)
Enjoy window shopping.
I don’t hate anyone. (LOL)
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (I was sober for the past 20 years)
I want to have children in the future. (Like I want 11 toes instead of 10)
I have changed a diaper before.
I have a lot to learn. (Nonsense, I know everything)
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend. (Don't have one. Gaping vacancy. Send in your VC)
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (My ass has better pizzas than Pizza Hut)
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (Chinese New Year is awesome because I get free money)
I have more than just my ears pierced. (For a man who says try everything, my Dad has very strong opinions about this)
I walk barefoot wherever I can. (Siao)
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I hate office jobs. (Am I to like jobs under the hot sun more?)
I think water rules. (Vanilla Coke rules!)
I fall for the worst people. (You dare mock my taste?)
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I usually like covers better than originals. (Sacrilege!)
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (I prefer to wallow in self pity)
I have jazz in my blood. (I have it in my playlist. Does that count?)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. (If you're a monkey)
I wear a toe ring.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better. (My Dad collects empty mineral water bottles)
I'm an artist (But I have the soul of one)
I only clean my room when necessary. (I still won't clean my room even when I can't find the floor)
I like a person of the same sex. (No, Dad. Uh-uh)

I won't bother stabbing 3 others. Do it at your own peril.


Because I'm full of crap,
k0k s3n w4i