Saturday, March 07, 2009

Lesbians Making Out Snuck Past Malaysian Censors

"Take away the right to say 'fuck' and you take away the right to say 'fuck the government.'"

Lenny Bruce


Watchmen Poster
That's the Film Censorship Board of Malaysia up there hurtling down to certain doom. Here's to hoping.

After waiting for what seemed like forever for it hit the big screen, Watchmen is finally here! I'll definitely be writing a fanboy gush and review (update: done) like the one I did for Heath Ledger's Joker and The Dark Knight last year soon but in the meantime, there's something else about the film (or rather, the Malaysian theatrical post-censorship version of it) I'd like to draw everyone's five-minute's worth of attention to.

Three words, people: Lesbians Making Out.


The scene comes in near the end, where Adrian Veidt (or Ozymandias, the Smartest Man in the World, as he called his masked vigilante persona) was seated in front of a wall of screens in his Antartic base which appeared to be broadcasting programmes from all over the world while his genetically engineered lynx, Bubastis, was lying by his side.

Veidt Frame
Evidently, the man likes watching TV a lot.

As you already should know, Zack Snyder, the kick-ass director who directed the live adaptation of the testosterone snack bar gore-fest which was Frank Miller's 300, also directed this. All of us know that the only reason he was chosen was because he was a great stickler for fidelity to the source material - so much so that critics have moaned and bitched like the moaning bitches they are that Snyder has absolutely no vision of his own as a director, and that his works (especially 300 and Watchmen) are basically screen translations of the graphic novels, with zero creative input from his side. His characters talk and walk exactly like how you would imagine their paper counterparts would. His scenes are basically clones of the comic books' frames.

In other words, he's precisely the sort of director us fanboys want when Hollywood wants make our favourite comic book, novels or video games into movies. Artistic autonomy, suck my dick, please.

Now, Snyder shot the scene in the frame above almost exactly like how it looked like, and slipped in this little Easter egg,

Boob Frame
Why the fuck is Bubastis on Veidt's right, Snyder? You and I are going to have words.

Throughout the movie, the Malaysian Censorship Board have hovered gleefully over our heads, truncating all the sex scenes, cutting the expletives and (most unforgivably of all), blurred out Doctor Manhattan's genitals. What the fuck? I have waited so long just to see Doctor Manhattan's giant blue schlong and ball sac magnified a thousand time on the big screen, flopping gloriously in every direction every time he so much as draw breath - and they blurred them out?! This is sacrilege, people, sacrilege!

Dr Manhattan's Schlong
Like this, but on IMAX, mmmkay?

Then the scissor-happy morons slipped up BIG TIME. They totally missed out on this frame; a few short seconds of a woman lowering her mouth onto the bosom of another and sucking on it in a TV monitor on the upper right corner. You can even see the nipple! Honest!

Shaki (the only other fanboy of Watchmen I know in my college), who watched the movie with me, didn't see it at all - and I suspect many, many other people didn't either. After all, if a dozen very attentive men from the ministry watching this movie several times over looking for boobs, twats, dongs and sometimes even kisses (yes, kissing offends our Eastern sensibilities too, apparently) couldn't spot it, I don't think many can. Which is why I wrote this post for the benefit of us all. I saw it when no one did, thanks to my infallible Boob-dar. Have I ever told you about my Boob-dar? My amazing talent of extra-mammary perception? It's related to my uncanny ability to see sexual innuendoes in anything anyone says.

Now, go to the cinema nearest to you and look for it. This is one instance of significant history for us smut-starved Malaysians and also for that department in the Home Ministry which no one wanted, but wastes our tax money by existing anyway. It's only a matter of time before the Censorship Board get wind of this and do something before our nation's impeccable morals are sullied forever by this piece of sweet, sweet filth. That's us. We are a weak-minded civilisation constantly on the brink of falling into utter depravity. All it takes is just one naked breast or a bare butt cheek to prod us off that cliff, to transform us into a nation of sex maniacs and whores.

I like to imagine that the guys they hire at the Censorship Board to look for naughty bits in movies are locked up 24/7 and aren't allow to come out at all. I mean, since they are exposed to so much womanly bits (or man things, not judging here) on a daily basis, you'd think that their minds have long degenerated into shriveled, drippy ping pong balls of pure id filled with perverse animalistic desires to take to the streets and to rape every woman in sight.


Ignore that. Here's the take home message,

For the first time ever, ladies and gentlemen, there is a boob, a nipple and another woman sucking on it in Malaysian cinema. Go watch.




P.S. Anyone else spotted this?




Down with censorship,
k0k s3n w4i

11 comments:

bevE said...

i going to imax and watch dis n SEE ALL DE SMEXY SMUTTY BEETS. XD

unfortunately all the 'normal' times for us students are all fully booked :(

my friends laughed and said "alright, high five!" at boob-dar and "Boob-dar. Have I ever told you about my Boob-dar? My amazing talent of extra-mammary perception? It's related to my uncanny ability to see sexual innuendoes in anything anyone says."

lingghezhi said...

I've only read two issues, but yes, watchmen is great. Want to finish the comics before the movie though.

ericG said...

Well, this isn't the first time M'sian cencorship board let boobs scenes to be showed on the public screen... If i could recall, American Gangster has several scenes with half-nude ladies BUT there isn't any lesbian nipple sucking-licking scenes... Maybe it's a new guy on it so he just missed it... HA HA. Much joy for all of us testosterone-active guys. Alas, i didn't managed to catch a glimpse on this particular scene... Too bad.

Hurry up with ur fanboy review on this movie...

Now that u said it, maybe i would prefer this director to direct DragonBall... huhu.

Copykate said...

went for the premiere screening but i did not notice that scene!!! X(

McGarmott said...

Didn't notice it either - but here's an alternative opinion on the Censorship Board ... they're getting better.

I can't vouch for this as this is secondary info, but I was told that in Babel you get to see Rinko Kikuchi full frontal nude, and in stuff like The Da Vinci Code they left the nude self-flagellation scene untouched.

And then there are movies like Miami Vice, with so many 'fucks' that they let some slipped through.

The biggest problem with our beloved snippers is their random inconsistency.

Take Slumdog Millionaire. They snipped off the shot with the subtitles "they're Muslims, kill them!". So people in the cinema didn't have a clue as to why there were these bunch of Indian people killing other Indian people. Oh, and the very chaste kissing scene at the very end? Snip!

But in Benjamin Button and Seven Pounds, many of the kissing shots were left in.

I would love to peer into the censorship board offices to find out what the hell is going on there.

mknace said...

hmmm

k0k s3n w4i said...

bevE: friends? you have more than one? xD I shall wait for the DVD to come out and watch all DE SMEXY SMUTTY BEETS in slo-mo, repeatedly, in a bathrobe! T^T

lingghezhi: how could u tell if it's great from reading just two issues xD get on it quick!

ericG: yeah, but it is a first time an overtly sexual act got through! fanboy review done :) and yeah, too bad about Dragonball. was a long time fan too :(

Copykate: like i said, you'll need superpowers like mine to spot it.

McGarmott: well, I can't remember what Ben Button was rated in Malaysia. maybe those they rate PG-13 or 18PL gets more leniency than those rated G? might explain the inconsistency. and yeah, ditto on that. i'd like to check out their offices too. there's probably boxes and boxes containing nothing but dirty bits from movies stashed there. or maybe each snippers got their own personal collections.

mknace: ho-hum

Corgan Sow said...

Actually I watched Rambo in cinemas and there was a scene where the junta military torched a village and a few of them dragged out a woman to be raped. Her tits was exposed on big screen too.

I'm dying to watch Watchmen but the problem is I can't wait for the DVD version to come out (which takes at least few months) yet I don't want to go to cinemas and watch the "sanitized" version either. I'll be lucky if can find "clear copy" of the movie from the pirates. To those who watched it in cinemas I want to ask:

- the scene where a 6-year old girl got brutally slaughtered was it cut?

- how much of the violence in the movie is cut? As far as I know the censors didn't bother abt the violence in Rambo.

- did the censors snip or completely cut an infamous rape scene by Comedian? Thanks a bunch?

k0k s3n w4i said...

Corgan Sow: well, as others have attested here - boobs slipping past aren't all that rare in Malaysian cinema. the scene in Rambo may imply rape, but no actual intercourse were shown of course. the one in watchmen; actual sucking of nipple.
And to answer you questions;
-the 6 years old girl was brutally slaughtered off-screen in the comics (ur referring to the one which broke Rorschach, i presume?) and was slaughtered off-scene in the movie as well. but they did show one of her legs being fought over by the dogs, just like in the comic.
-no scenes of violence were cut. the murder of Hollis Mason is absent, but i think that's not due to censorship, but rather it was not included in this version because of its little relevance to main plot
-you mean the famous ATTEMPTED rape? nope. shown in all its glory.

Faizal said...

i also saw the lesbian scene b4 reading ur blog...high five!!!our boobs radar r excellent!!!

k0k s3n w4i said...

Faizal: *high five* Phew, I was beginning to think that I imagined the whole thing! Boob-dar roolz!