Sunday, August 03, 2008

Love, a Plaything

"Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me"

Lovefool (1996) by The Cardigans

I don't fit in very well with the rest of the guys, I think, and that's really odd because I spent 11 years of my school-life being forcibly ironed in with them. That's right, I was in a single gender school from 1993 to 2007, spending the most impressionable years of my life surrounded by an atmosphere of solid maleness. Maybe my Mom thought that I, being the only boy of my generation of the family, required more masculine influences in my life (either that or she secretly always wanted a queer son, you can never tell). Still, I didn't quite fit in then either. I always felt like I can't connect properly with boys of my age. That's why all my best friends now are girls - there's just something that's not there in a guy-guy friendship. Something basic is missing. Something like, I don't know, a common ground?

It's no accident that most of my readers are girls. If I say half the things I write here to a dude, he'd call me a fag. I feel how a girl would feel sometimes when she's trying to connect to a guy because his emotional pool is just that shallow. He can't quite grasp at any feeling deeper than say, the exhilaration of a goal scored by his favourite footie team (which is invariably Manchester United 90% of the time) or frustration at his girlfriend for telling him that he doesn't know how she feels. Empathy, people, is something males don't have in great supply. That's why they aren't very good listeners or nice friends to talk to about your problems. More importantly, they aren't very capable of feeling other people's pain.

Yes, I'm finally coming to the point of this post.

"All guys in a long distance relationship sure will gatal one," said this one guy in my clinical posting group. I disagreed with him, and said that I'm not like that. Just me, though. No other guy contradicted his statement at all.

He laughed at me. He laughed at me because he thought what I said was an absurdity, some concept that he simply can't understand in his tiny emotionally primitive male mind. If it was a girl, she'd probe further and ask me why. Not a guy though - a guy just ridicules anyone or any idea different from his. That's his reflex. And that's one of the biggest reasons why I hate talking to guys.

I know many guys who cheat on their girlfriends in a long distance relationship and some of them are, I am deeply, deeply ashamed to say, friends of mine. I can only guess at their motives. Is it because they are just weak and their fortitude caved in? Is it because they are looking for assurances of their own attractiveness by seeing how many stupid girls they can string along in their harem? Or is it because of peer pressure - because all the other guys are doing it too? I started thinking about this not so long ago when I learned about the exploits of a certain batchmate of mine who cheats on his girlfriend back at home almost constantly in the two and a half years he spent here in India. Let's take him as a case study here and for convenience's sake, we got to give him an alias. Let's call him... Son-of-a-Bitch.

Son-of-a-Bitch tells everyone unashamedly that he enjoys flirting, saying that his girlfriend does not mind him doing so. What I think she would mind is that her boyfriend is bringing some of these girls he flirts with back to his apartment to spend the night. From what I gathered from his housemates, he would, at times, talk to his real girlfriend on the phone on the balcony outside while another girl is in his bedroom. I heard that the current slut he's seeing actually knows that he's a taken man. For the rest of this post, that's what I'll call her; The Current Slut - y'know, to emphasise her temporariness, and also because, y'know, she's obviously a slut.

A guy in my clinical posting group considered Son-of-a-Bitch his god, presumably for his prowess in fucking around so much. A girl who knew him better than I do said that it wasn't Son-of-a-Bitch's fault because his mother brought him up that way - his mother is the one who told him not to settle for just one when he's all young and shit. See why I called him Son-of-a-Bitch? His mom is evidently a Bitch (so that's what I'll call her for the rest of this post). She actually taught her son to toy with people's love and trust, to hurt and possibly destroy other girls' lives. I don't pray but if I do, I pray that that Bitch's husband will pork some prostitute, contract AIDS and give it to her. If she has a daughter, I pray that she would get fucked by some asshole who already has a girlfriend somewhere and then dump her, leaving her so depressed that she eventually kills herself. I pray that the same thing would happen to Son-of-a-Bitch's daughters too if he has any next time. I'm not being malicious here. I just want that Bitch to experience the full scope of misery and wretchedness of what she unleashed in the form of her son on this world. I have a sister, and I might have daughters in the future, so my anger is totally righteous - which is more than what I can say for that Bitch and her son.

I asked many girls in my class for their opinions of cheating boyfriends, and what would they do if their own boyfriends cheat on them. Here's what I got;

Most of them told me that it's normal for a guy to cheat on his girlfriend and that they expect such a thing to happen - so they'd probably forgive the guy for his "momentary lapse(s) of judgement" Only one girl said that she would never forgive such a thing. ONLY ONE. Imagine that. So, it's now socially acceptable for guys to be unfaithful, is it? Is that why I can actually overhear guys brag gleefully to each other out in the open about how they cheated on their girlfriends these days?

That's the fucking problem. The only reason why guys think it's okay to cheat on you is because you girls let them. It's not that men are completely incapable of resisting the temptation (I'm the fucking living proof) - I'm telling you that they can. They just willfully and knowingly choose to gamble your happiness away for a bit of fun because, let's face it, you've been practically encouraging them to do that to you from the start.

I remember when I first got together with Phoebe, she told me "If you cheat on me, please don't let me find out. So long as I don't know, I'm happy."

"Is that the best you expect of me?" I remember replying. "You expect too little. I'm so much better than that."

Phoebe, I will never ever cheat on you. If Love can make people do impossible things, it can definitely make me do something as simple and easy as staying faithful to you, regardless how far apart we are. Whatever sort of boyfriend I might be now or later, this is something I will never compromise.

Girls, if your boyfriend cheats on you, he doesn't love you. Absolutely no question there. What he has for you is either just lust, infatuation, empty commitment or selfish possessiveness - call it whatever the fuck you want - but it isn't Love. To call it Love is to cheapen the meaning of Love. Stop deluding yourselves. Stop giving him your approval of his lying, cheating, licentious ways. If he cheats on you, grab a kitchen knife, slice his dick off, and shove it up his ass. That's what I told Phoebe to do to her future boyfriends if she and I don't work out. That's what I'm going to tell my daughters too. If Lorena Bobbit got away with it, so can you.

There's this book I read by Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun, which tells the story of the life of a man named Hajime. He had a girlfriend when he was sixteen - a sweet and outgoing girl called Izumi. Then he cheated on her with her cousin, of all people, and when Izumi found out, they broke up and he never heard from her again. Hajime later bumped into an old classmate when he was thirty six years old, and had made a success of himself in life. That old classmate then told Hajime that he ran into Izumi a while back and said that Izumi is "no longer attractive" and is living alone in some apartment. He said that no one in the apartment building had ever spoken to her, that she would just walk past people who says hello to her and that the children "are afraid of her face". That old classmate refused to elaborate why, saying that Hajime would have to see her for himself to understand. He did meet her later on, of course, and he was thoroughly shaken by what he saw. In Hajime's own words, he said,

"Her face had nothing you could call and expression. No, that's not an entirely accurate way of putting it. I should put it this way: Like a room from which every last stick of furniture had been taken, anything you could possibly call an expression had been removed, leaving nothing behind. Not a trace of feeling grazed her face; it was like the bottom of a deep ocean, silent and dead. And with that utterly expressionless face, she was staring at me."

It scares me. It scares me how each of us has the power to utterly ruin someone's life when that someone trusted us to hold their heart in our hands and not break it. It scares me how utterly we can break it.

Don't cheat on the one who loves you. Please.

One Love,
k0k s3n w4i


specialhuman said...

Totally agreed on your point of view of cheating.

but this
"Still, I didn't quite fit in then either. I always felt like I can't connect properly with boys of my age"

It's because you brain is in a more advanced stage? (they say guys r actually a year or two behind girls' maturity in their adolences.)

Or let me guess, u don't play sports? Soccer, basketball, snooker..any of the so-called guys' game. Sometimes, miserable but true enough, guy guy friendship can be connected by merely a ball (literally lol). It's somehow beyond words. A no-look-pass in the basketball field actually express the trust and 默契 (sorry but I can't find a word with the same meaning in English, someone help me to translate that?) between the 2 players.

You have to admit that, commonly, guys are creatures that are not so expressive anyway there's always exception. and not all not-so-expressive guys will cheat on their girl friends or are less empathetic. They still share the same mind like urs but just not the same tongue like urs. :D

and yes I'm speaking on behalf of all the good and not-so-expressive guys :D

Zzzyun said...

omg this post... is scary. i cant believe that so many guys would knowingly, purposely do that to their gf, which they supposedly LOVE.

sigh, guys who do tat deserve to get their balls kicked. *sry for the language*

actually feel like using stronger language but i think i'll refrain.

and i cant believe the Bitch wil ask her son to do that. stupid dumb!! i cant find any expletives to express my anger at her ridiculousness!! argh.

btw i think not all guys are like that. i look at many of my guy frenz, they are pretty decent...

Evelyncyl said...

Another great post! *applauds*

It's great to know that guys like you still exist. Most just think with their dicks instead of their head.

pamsong said...

The world lacks righteous men like you, Sen Wai. Phoebe is a very fortunate woman who has found a man who truly understands love.

Indeed the hurt and pain that comes from having been cheated upon is unlike any other pain. No other betrayal stabs quite as deeply, nor do the scars last as long after the pain resides.

Having been cheated upon breaks a person. It does. It breaks their spirit. It breaks their ability to trust in another again. And it breaks whatever's left of their self esteem.

I don't know if it's naivety or just plain stupidity when boys and girls deem cheating is okay. It's not. It's repulsive. And pathetic. It shows the cheat's pathetic attempt at any resemblance of morality and righteous living.

Your post woke me up to a lot of things. Especially the bit where you said:

"Is that the best you expect out of me?" I remember replying. "You expect too little. I'm so much better than that."

Phoebe, I will never ever cheat on you. If Love can make people do impossible things, it can definitely make me do something as simple and easy as staying faithful to you, regardless how far apart we are. Whatever sort of boyfriend I might be now or later, this is something I will never compromise.

Sometimes, we DO expect to little. Because we fear that when we start to expect, the more we'll hurt when thinsg come crashing down or fall short of our expectation. But now I see... that as cheating is not something you'll compromise, accepting a cheat is also something women should not compromise on.

Thank you, Sen Wai. Somebody just needed to verbalise this for me. And yes. "To call it Love is to cheapen the the meaning of Love."

michelleg said...

i absolutely abhor guys who cheat. like wtf!! they really deserve to get their dick chopped off.. if they want to continue flirting why get into a 'relationship'? just flirt around and not hurt anyone. easy peasy.

Anonymous said...

I think that the girls nowadays are so shallow - I don't mean the materialistic kind, I mean the 'I'm a pathetic housewife, I live and die by my husband' type.

I think your girlfriend is a very lucky lady indeed, with a mouth and mind like yours? It's what every girl needs. But like what specialhuman said, not all those 'non expressive' guys think unlike you. They might not voice out what they think because the talk of feelings is for girls. I'm not calling you girly, you're right to speak for what you think is right, but being a guy yourself you have to understand that most guys don't mean what they say - or don't say.

I have never been cheated on and I doubt I ever will be. But if I am ever cheated on, I'll make sure he never cheats again and make him wish he were a girl. The world doesn't need more violence, but women needs more independence. I can't stand women who can turn a blind eye in the name of love. If such a great love is not reciprocated, I believe that it's not worth it. Not worth dying for a guy who doesn't give two fucks about you.

Girls have to stand up. I agree with you so much it scares me: They have to stop letting guys think it's OKAY if they cheat. Guys are literal creatures.

jayjayne said...

Wow! Great post again kiddo!


I too am saddened and disgusted by not on the lack of male integrity, but also of the female sector!

I know a gay, let's call him The Pimpster - who spent his younger years attached to a High Schooler for a good 3 years - with quite a bit of turbulence. After this period, he decided that said High Schooler had ruined his life and had lost him his "Fun" Times. So, being the asshat that he is, The Pimpster went out and got him self simultaneously drunk, high and laid. He constantly toys with girls - and goes "internet" surfing for available chicksters (obviously, of the same mind)with lots of money, long legs and not much brains.

Now none of his old friends want to talk to him as they are afraid that he's got some sort of communicable and horrendous disease. I call that disease idiocy.

Moral of this story = Don't be an Asshat.

/thumbs up

jayne :3

FUBI said...

^_^" ehheh. yes i noe my bf very nice1

thank u baby. ur awesome *hugsies* xD

voon said...

Hmm is that who I think it is?

This cheating and nobody caring (rather, a glorified act). It cheapens everything I've believed in. Its frickin depressing that most people think that fun (by any means) is everything in life.

P.S. Empathy is a curse not a gift lol. I'm giving mine away with RS 5000 if anyone wants it.

gaL said...

Scary post. It's hard to believe what's on some guys head sometimes. Real a$$hole.

U sound pretty piss in this post. Support u all the way for revealing such things online. U shud be their god instead of the SOB.

nuraainaa said...

err..for a female, i have a shallow emotional pool. other than that, i'm fine. i think.

"The only reason why guys think it's okay to cheat on you is because you girls let them."


"To call it Love is to cheapen the meaning of Love."

Very true.


the person who would lend phoebe a hand if Kok doesn't keep his promises.. quack quack said...

ooo.. I totally agree with u KOK! Well, u keep ur words and promises to phoebe, Or else I might just led phoebe a hand in that " grab a kitchen knife, slice his dick off, and shove it up his ass" part. I know many who said things like what u wrote, but turned out to be the S-O-B after a few years which pratically make me feel that 99% men on the planet are not trustworthy and just a bunch of hypocrits.
And ya, good skills you've got there to teach your daughters. haha

Elaynne said...

I can't believe that there are gals out there that forgives cheating OMG... like seriously wtf.

CHeating is a big NO NO man...

michellesy, monogamy advocate said...

"Most of them told me that it's normal for a guy to cheat on his girlfriend and that they expect such a thing to happen - so they'd probably forgive the guy for his "momentary lapse(s) of judgement"

WTF - you must be going to med school with the most passive, milk-runs-through-their-veins bunch of females I have ever heard of, James 0_____0

And you'd know I do NOT subscribe to that kind of nonsense. I lean more towards the kick-him-to-the-kerb-this-second-my-dear school of thought, really.

As for Phoebe, I know you'd never, ever give her cause for concern. Nor cause her a moment's unease.

She's a lucky girl, is Phoebs. And you, my friend are one lucky man. And I know that it's not something both of you take lightly, or would squander.

So yes, good on your for calling a spade a spade. And for giving SOB (and his momma!) such an appropriate sobriquet hahah

phingy said...

I agree with you .

Girls who allow guys to cheat on them are no better than the guys who actually do cheat.

If the guy is able to cheat on you, while in a fully committed relationship, then it just proves how shitty the guy is. He doesnt want love, he is lustful and finding excuses to keep it that way. I especially hate guys who blames it on their gf, by saying that its the gf's fault for not paying them enough attention and bla bla bla. then for heaven's sake, you should do something to improve the relationship ! not go find any random whore down the street !

those girls who know their bf is cheating and still do nothing bout it, i pity them. it just shows how low their self esteem is. perhaps they feel that they would not be able to find a better guy should they let go.

guess what? there are a lot of better guys out these.

those who do not cheat and is proud of it.

sad to say, that kind of guy never changes. i had a personal experience. once is enough !

i'm happy to say that i have grown much beyond those simplistic thinking of "if i dont know, it wouldnt hurt".

its not true. the worst part is finding out about the lies and the 'new' girls.

girls, please wake up!

and those loser guys, grow up!

p.s. Kok, about you not fitting in with the other guys, dont fret. there is hardly any point talking to these kinda people. there is a sure feeling of wanting to whack them in the heads to wake them up.

Sim said...

I noticed a certain pattern in the comments. Do you, Kok? ;)

Anyways, great post.. as always.

k0k s3n w4i said...

specialhuman: I'm not saying there aren't guys who think like me. if i can say anything about them, it's that they ought to be more vocal - especially on an issue like this. i played football when I was in secondary school, but I stopped after I picked up reading. I don't think I'm more matured either. It's just that I'm much less willing to compromise on things i don't think are right.

zzzyun: this is not the place to worry about swearing. I swear in 90% of my posts! you're a girl, zzzyun. there are some things that girls would never know. the guys have this honour network and they would never sell one of their own out.

evelyncyl: there's a lot of guys like me, actually, who think cheating is wrong and don't practice it - but most tend to think it's okay if their buddies cheat. I actually scolded an old friend soundly once for cheating on his girlfriend.

pamsong: shiet, that's flattering :D it made me want to do something really after I realised just how comfortable people are with the thought of cheating; both guys and girls alike. there's no guilt on the part of the guys - maybe just a fear of the troubles that would ensue if they are caught. now girls... their quiet acceptance of their fate somehow reminded me of cows in an abattoir, waiting for their turn to be slaughtered. God help me I want to shake the stupid out of them. I mean, these girls would actually make their boyfriends think how pointless it is to be faithful when their gf's expects it anyway! In a way, it sucks for us guys who stay faithful because what the hey? our girlfriends assume that we're already cheating on them wtf.

michelleg: my sentiments exactly. be single and fuck around - no one cares. if you like someone else, at least have the decency to end your current relationship first. break ups are never pretty, but there's no point making it uglier.

selfairy: being a guy, I know that guys are essentially very basic creatures. more id than anything. I just like to think that there's a choice in that matter. I don't like the stereotyping of guys but there it is; the stereotypes are very often justifiable. some would call their love greater than yours because they can transcend what you can't :). I think a girl should stay with the guy they love if they truly do not mind his cheating ways one whit - because that makes them happy. Happiness is foremost to me in life. it's just that there are girls who hate cheating guys but yet, stay with hers. that's unnatural. that's unhappy.

jayjayne: I thought he's gay? he's bi then, huh? hey, so long as he's happy and his victims are happy, I let their ship of depravity sail. Natural selection at its best, I say. Darwin would approve.

fubi: *hugs* xD

voon: eh, sounds like my "a soul is not an asset; it's a liability" line :P I do think fun IS everything in life, btw. I hold by the great Satanic mantra; "Do what ye will so long as you hurt nobody" or something like that la. It might be who you think it is. there's so many so we might have overlaps here.

gal: I revealed nothing in this post, regrettably. as much as I would like to go straight to the SOB's gf and blow his ship up, I don't think I can be that big an asshole. then again, standing by and watching constitutes assholery too right? oh well, some people just like to be ignorant and live a PG-13 life with all the bad shit edited out, and I don't think I have the heart to break their illusions.

nuraainaa: we all have our oddballs in both genders :)

ph0ebe's li'l helper: the reason I made such a public declaration is because I have absolute confidence in myself. I was waiting for you, really, whoever you are, to say something like this. true, guys will say anything, promise anything when they are in love - and it doesn't mean that they don't mean them. the problem is that guys make promises that they have no control over at all; like, "I'll never stop loving you" or "I'll never leave you" because what people don;t realise in the throes of their romance is that love has an expiry date. sad but true. refraining from cheating, that's a very realistic promise.

elaynne: I was as incredulous as you when I found out that there's so many of these girls. maybe it's just that most of my classmates are in a LDR... I mean, it's not easy to cheat when your girlfriend's living with you or something. maybe they just want to be realistic. it is true that ppl in LDR's tend to cheat more, guys and girls alike.

michellesy: hey, i was wondering if you've stopped reading for good! I sort of measure my competence by your presence xD anyway, squander, I won't. I never thought it was possible to enjoy the company of another person who can be more than just a lover but phoebs... she's amazing. absolutely amazing. there's no pretense around her, no pressure to be anything I'm not. she's an absolute friend. she's eve, I dare say... you remember eve, don't you?

phingy: I don't fret about not fitting in. I celebrate it everyday xD I'm really sorry to hear about your bad experience, phingy, I really do. a lot of my gal friends have stories on being cheated on before - and I am inclined to think that there are more girls who have actually went through a relationship like that than girls who haven't. "its not true. the worst part is finding out about the lies and the 'new' girls." I wish that more girls can know this but there's no changing some people's minds. everyone's too wrapped up in their own personal Great Love Story that Transcends All Great Love Stories Before Them. Seems pathetic to me.

sim: thanks :) I see certain patterns, yes, but I'm not sure if we're seeing the same things. Tell me in my mail!!!

voon said...

Oh I didn't realise that. Am I infringing upon your copyright? :D

I meant to say that some think fun is everything with no compromises kind of way. However that seems rather common.
Maybe I'm just odd, LAIK U (cue Heath Ledger's sexy cackle).

Jazzy*Pam said...

This is a great post, as like your many others. :)

I'm gonna link this up on my blog, if you don't mind?

fubi said...

i nv knew i could b eve *big shiny eyes* so nice k whn i read tht post last time. coz she sounds like such a nice fren2 hv T_T *hugs baby bck*

waves 2 michsy n lil helper :D

Innocent^^Guy said...

No sex, no physical involvements, no kissing, then flirt is harmless no?

bevE said...

oh. my. g.

phoebe's helper said...


Anonymous said...

shall i tell everyone wat u did after ur x gf dumped u, loser?

k0k s3n w4i said...

voon: not yet. I have to patent it first xD

jazzy*pam: u may, of course :) and thanks

fubi: what? you consciously tried to be eve issit :P?

innocent^^guy: that depends on ur definition of harmless. is your gf perfectly okay with you flirting? I mean, how many girls out there are comfortable with their boyfriend flirting with other girls, really? a guy really has to evaluate what he feels towards his gf, and wonder whether is it worth making her unhappy for a bit of fun, however harmless.

beve: ur determined to make me unable to reply your comments, aren't u?

phoebe's li'l helper: *bows*

anonymous: sure, go right ahead. oh, you might want to crosscheck your facts before you start though cuz, little known fact, I have never been dumped by anyone before in my entire life :)

bevE said...



FUBI said...

i dun even remembr wht eve is like T^T

anonymous: faster tel!! xD

michellesy, phames fan said...

Seriously James, you shouldn't measure your competence by my readership -________-

Because who the hell died and made me er, chief critic or something anyways?

And you know how I feel about your writing and your blog. Especially since the other one I used to fancy is......not the same anymore?

What you may NOT know is just how much my job is draining me and how shitty it is and other snippets of moaning/ whingeing ad nauseam. Which are completely uninteresting to anyone but myself wtf.

I swear, I spend so much time on the computer at work, my fingers feel like packing up and running away if I so much as glance at my laptop after the end of a long day. Sigh.

But that's besides the point.

And OF COURSE I remember Eve. Would I be likely to forget someone that momentous?

You're a lucky bastard James - you've met her, and here's the crucial bit, she loves you back.
You kids are gonna make me bawl I swear =)

michellesy said...

ps: By the way, didn't realise you were a 'loser' James? By all means, if honouring the relationship you were in at the time, and having your heart broken into little pieces then handed back to you in a garbage bag qualifies you as a 'loser', we girls should all be so lucky to have a 'loser' like you in our lives =)

pps: James doesn't need anyone to fight his battles for him, but really anonymous *tsk tsk*
Since you mentioned he was a single man at the time (as evidenced by the 'ex' in ex-gf), what he did really has no bearing on the topic (cheating, if you happened to miss it) at hand now, does it?
And yes, two sides to the story and all, but you might want to get some facts straight before you start. I, for one am waiting with bated breath to find out what horrendous acts James has carried out in the aftermath of a devastating breakup, as is Phoebe, I'm sure.

.: Ya Hui :. said...

just like you, i myself do not fit in well with girls. things that i said to girls, don't apply to them. either they squeal at my 'insensitivity' or they grimace at my thinking. but hell like i care, at least my current love life is going strong and has been a pride of mine. not as in bragging rights, but as in how well both me and my guy managed. no such shit as females as the inferior gender man, if he ever throws that in my face i'll make sure his dick is up his own ass.

empty threat it is anyway, lol. since i have superior confidence in my guy, and hopefully Phoebe will do the same to you. :)

k0k s3n w4i said...

beve: -________________- =d

fubi: she's like u xD

michellesy: aw, I do know how trying your job is (goodness knows you complaint about it often enough xD) but that won't change the fact that 1) I missed your comments (they are better reads than most blogs I know) and 2) I have a great respect for what you have to say on anything. and OMG, u used to fancy? I still think it's tons better than most of the crap I see on the blogosphere. as for anonymous, I think what he or she has to say has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of this post at all. I imagine that he or she is just someone who was pissed with what I wrote (and the pool of suspect is pretty narrow, really). I'm actually very interested in what anon has to say 'cos I'm collecting many of the wild misconceptions and rumours about my ex and I for a post. some of them are seriously hilarious.

yahui: oh, no such thing as an inferior gender. agreed, ma'am. no arguments there xD wow, his dick is that long? lucky, lucky you :P I'd say phoebs has confidence enough in me ;P

cute little angel said...

it's kinda late to comment but i think i'm 99% sure i know who ur talking about. someone i knew well, someone i was once close to, someone who i thought was a best fren, a confidant. only to realise that all he ever wanted was a flirt partner and i being naive as i was never thought someone with such a 'steady' long term relationship would do such a thing to his fren's gf. i trusted him, i thought he was honest and sincere with his actions only to be hurt so badly when i realised the truth. sad right?