Saturday, May 07, 2011

The Conspiracy of Osama bin Laden's Death

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Albert Einstein

This is why I love the Internet.

Most people have a general mistrust of any official information released from a position of authority, and I admit that there are times when such suspicions are evidently warranted - but that does not mean there isn't a fallacious, prejudicial element at play. Politicians and their governments are archetypal bogeymen, and they have populated our stories since time immemorial in the forms of tyrannical mad kings and evil usurping viziers, and modern films and political thrillers gleefully perpetuate that stereotype. We are practically conditioned to think that individuals in positions of power are out to deceive and destroy us. The conspiracy theories surrounding the 9/11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City are good contemporary examples for the phenomenon.

To continue with my chosen example: the 9/11 truthers (as these conspiracy theorists are known) have trotted out many "proofs" to support the notion of a shadowy, far-reaching conspiracy behind 9/11. Despite, having their stupid claims refuted and debunked to heck and back, they continue to clutch at their kooky beliefs religiously. That's the danger of a paranoid, conspiracy-prone mindset; sooner or later, it would irreparably insulate the person's mind from reason. To a conspiracy theorist, the lack of evidence of a conspiracy is evidence of a well-hidden conspiracy - and evidence disproving the existence of a conspiracy is evidence of an attempted cover-up.

Stupid Deather
In a discussion on the act of celebrating bin Laden's death.

Following the recent death of Osama bin Laden at the hands of US operatives, I witnessed the birth of a nascent conspiracy theory almost literally before the guy's corpse is cold. It had all the makings of a good one: the suddenness of the event, an official video statement from President Obama telling the people what's what, bin Laden's fishily speedy burial at sea, and the White House's ultimate decision to not release any photographic evidence of the terror king's body. There are reasonable explanations for every alleged inconsistencies in the official story, of course. According to Muslim customs, a person's should be buried as quickly as possible and deliberately disrespecting that will only attract the ire of the ummah (the majority of which isn't al-Qaeda and is allied with the US). The sea burial was to discourage the creation of a "terrorist shrine", which will no doubt attract both people who loved him, and vandals who hated his guts.

The decision to not release the photographs appears ill-advised, but the gruesomeness of the pictures were cited as the reason and it might incite extremists to retaliate. Besides as Obama rightly pointed out, even if the photos are published, there would still be those who will deny their veracity (and I bet he learned that lesson after he finally released his birth certificate, and the racist conspiracy nutjobs who doubted his citizenship remained unmoved). Nothing will ever convince a True Believer™. Even if you parade bin Laden's perforated corpse through their living rooms, they will still claim it's a fake.

Stupid Deather 1
Pictured: the usual level of intelligence of conspiracy theorists.

I had already argued with several dumb fucks individuals on Facebook about this. Some even claimed that this is Obama's ploy to win the favour of the American people for the next presidential election. They are all ignoring the huge, turbaned elephant in room: if Osama bin Laden's really still alive and free, why isn't he making an announcement to the world right now that the Great Satan, the USA, is a lying whore?

Neither is al-Qaeda coming out to contradict the US's story. In fact, the militant Islamist group had released a statement published in jihadist web forums confirming bin Laden's demise at the hands of the infidels. Some dismissed the statement as US propaganda, but if that's true, why hasn't the real al-Qaeda said so? Will the real al-Qaeda please stand up?

Stupid Deather 2
Turns out that being an atheist is no guarantee of being free from crazy.

Yes, I believe in the official story - at least the part about Osama bin Laden being as dead as the dinosaurs. I believe Obama knew that bin Laden and the al-Qaeda aren't able to contradict his story. I believe in the reports confirming bin Laden's DNA identity and that his wife identified the body. I believe that the US President and his administration aren't stupid enough as to think that it's possible to tell such a lie and maintain it. Only the "deathers" (as they are now called a la "truthers" and "birthers") are retarded enough to think it's a tenable strategy to get ahead in the polls.

Even without the photographs, there is enough circumstantial evidence to conclude that bin Laden being dead is the likelier story. So, what about the "deathers"? What proof or evidence do they have to offer to prove that Osama's alive? Zero. None whatsoever. Remind me why anyone should pay attention to their paranoid ramblings again?

Death to deathers,
k0k s3n w4i


nicoletta said...

I've been wondering if any videos of bin-Laden lookalikes would pop up announcing the man as very alive and well, thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

I don't get why some people can't just accept things the way they are. There isn't a conspiracy theory to everything, yishhh.

Rewarp said...

My supervisor is a conspiracy theorist. Brilliant scientist, but amazing capacity for doublethink.

Makes for interesting conversation.

k0k s3n w4i said...

nicoletta: now, i wonder who's dumb enough to want to attract the attention of the cia that way ;)

lovealynna: well, some people are just prone to paranoid thinking while others just like to think they know things others don't.

Rewarp: i guess everyone have their little irrationalities, no matter how levelheaded they are in most other aspects of life. the fellas at the skeptics' guide call it people's private "sacred cows"