"Mister Blue, you did it right
But soon comes Mister Night creepin' over
Now his hand is on your shoulder
Never mind, I'll remember you this
I'll remember you this way"
Mister Blue Sky (1977) by Electric Light Orchestra
Yesterday, the ghost of democracy swooped into our country. It heartened the spirits of those who believe in it and gave the powers to be a scare. Then, it swoops out again without doing much more than that because just like any other sort of ghost there is, democracy doesn't really exist - at least in the context of Malaysian politics.
Now, full disclosure here: I didn't vote.
Well, I am not voting. Hardly see the point when the game is so rigged as to render my vote to obsolescence. #Ubah #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 2, 2013
I didn't register early enough to qualify for this General Election. I also hold the
Just sent my wife to the airport. She's going back to vote. Anyway, I already know the winner of this election. It's the airlines. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 3, 2013
I have been told that since I am not voting, I don't have a right to comment on this General Election. Well, fuck you and your little dog too. Who taught you your constitutional rights, dumbass? How does not voting disqualify me from my right to free speech? It is my right to abstain from voting. It is also well within my rights to vote for BN in the next GE just to spite you.
Of course, my response to being told I should shut up is to speak even more loudly on social media, because actually shouting from my balcony wearing nothing but my boxers just makes me look like a crazy person.
For the first time in ten years, I turned on the TV to watch for updates on the current #PRU13. This is how you know I give a fuck.
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
Now, for the first time in my life, I am genuinely interested in the electoral process and happenings. I even broke my decade long abstinence from television just to have propaganda blaring into my living room to set the mood while I followed the live updates of election results online as fervently as I sometimes watch the fluctuating download speed of my torrents. I was also guilty of driving a keyboard while under the influence of too many homemade Old Fashioned - hence my unprecedented output on Twitter.
Here are some selected tweets from last night.
On accounts and videos of vigilantes profiling, harassing and beating up Bangladeshi ghost voters,
You are against BN's racism, but considering the things you say and do to Bangladeshis, BN had already won ideologically. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the indelible ink which was only allegedly indelible,
The indelible ink is useless even if it works the way it's expected to. It's like the age warning you get when you access porn sites. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the ongoing online petition to the White House asking the US to intervene,
The US carpet-bombs us tomorrow, depose our overlords & install a puppet who will give them ALL THE OIL. SURPRISE. wh.gov/z8SE
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the Pakatan Rakyat leader's very premature claim that they have won the election. To quote him, he said this on his Facebook page: "PR has won. We urge UMNO and the EC to not attempt to hijack the results. #ubah"
Anwar's statement is a cool Delphic trick. If PR wins, he is right. If PR loses, then UMNO & the EC must have meddled. Prophecy 101. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the advice that's going around urging people to stock up on essentials like food for fear of massive unrest on the streets,
Stocking up in case of post-election unrest? Don't bother! Just call 1300-13-1300 McDelivery for all your siege survival needs! #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On deciding what to have for dinner yesterday,
Can't tear my eyes off the live updates! Which home delivery service should I vote for? 1300-13-1300 or 1300-88-2525? #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
Tonight, I vote for McD to occupy my gastric seat! Smokin' BBQ Beef Burger ini kali lah! #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the Pahang's Menteri Besar's promise that he would cut off his ears and jump into the Pahang river if PR wins the Bentong constituency and the subsequent reneging of his promise, claiming that he didn't meant it literally,
Once, a friend said he'd eat 10kg of his own shit if I could get a certain girl to date me. That shit was figurative. tinyurl.com/d9cod3l
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On BN's sweep of most of the constituencies in the kingmaking state of Sarawak (Disclaimer: I don't actually know how many seats are up for grabs in Sarawak,
Sarawak is like Australia in the Risk board game. 71 out of the total 222 seats are there. Win Sarawak and you win Malaysia. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the passion I see from the more reticent demographic groups in Malaysia,
I like election night. It's the only time I can see women & old folks talk and act like English football hooligans. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the BN statesman Ali Rustam, the incumbent Chief Minister of my home state of Malacca, who I later found out unexpectedly lost his Bukit Katil seat by just 44 votes,
Ali Rustam's kid was my classmate in high school. That means I must support Ali Rustam. I can't remember his kid's name now though. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On how PR supporters can win no matter what à la Anwar Ibrahim's prophecy style,
To PR supporters: Put money on BN in a betting pool. That way, no matter who wins, you will still feel like a winnah. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On masturbation,
If you stop masturbating because of the general election, then the terrorist wins! #PRU13 #LouisCK
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the renewed cries for the US to intervene after it became clear that PR wasn't going to win,
Tell the CIA that there is a shit tonne of WMD's hidden in Rosmah's walk-in shoe closet. That should do it. #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On the naïveté of PR supporters who were praying to God for a miraculous turning of the tide. Amusingly, this tweet was re-tweeted by BN supporters who completely missed the point and clearly did not understand what the word "atheist" means in my Twitter profile,
Look, both PR & BN prayed to God. Now that BN had won the majority, clearly it is the party that's right with God, isn't it? #PRU13 #Logic
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
On always looking on the bright side of life,
I won a tidy sum from a betting pool. I wagered that BN will win but PR will deny them 2/3 majority. Lobster dinner tomorrow! #PRU13
— Kok Sen Wai (@KokSenWai) May 5, 2013
And here is a bonus Facebook exchange between a colleague of mine and I after he expressed disappointment at PR's defeat,
 |
| And at some point, Najib will reveal to Anwar that he is in fact his father. |
Here's another one in which my wife, after discovering that PR had lost, blames me for it,
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| I am monster! |
Hope you enjoyed my tweets. Or got enraged off by them. Whatever man, I don't really care.
Is somehow responsible for PR's lost,
k0k s3n w4i
5 comments:
Duh, you are clearly fucking me. No dog, only cats though.
Asshole.
Your fault. Your fault. Your fault! :p
Sigh. I realize now I was too naive to think that things might be different this time round. STEWPID. T.T
BN won! now, bow down. :P
Bahaha I was following the live updates on malaysiakini all through the wee hours of MOnday morning and watching all the social media rage unfold.
The thing that disturbed me most was all those videos with Malaysians beating up alleged hantu voters from Bangladesh, Myanmar etc. All that extreme hostility and xenophobia toward people who've been exploited and who don't really know what they're doing. I mean, come on! You lot are voting against racist policies and all that!
I don't look forward to being lynched publicly but...I didn't vote eep :( I never got down to registering until it was too late. And anyway, the Malaysian embassy is some nine hours away from where I live. But I don't have any excuse, really.
cheryl: Not talking about you-lah.
Liz: Well, PR did win the popular vote. BN only won the government on technicality.
Anonymous: We are already bent over.
nicoletta: The beating of alleged Bangladeshis are the things that enraged me the most about Pakatan supporters. They were profiling. I am reminded of what Nietzsche said: "He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
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