Monday, May 06, 2013

My Live Tweets during the 13th Malaysian General Election

"Mister Blue, you did it right
But soon comes Mister Night creepin' over
Now his hand is on your shoulder
Never mind, I'll remember you this
I'll remember you this way"

Mister Blue Sky (1977) by Electric Light Orchestra

Yesterday, the ghost of democracy swooped into our country. It heartened the spirits of those who believe in it and gave the powers to be a scare. Then, it swoops out again without doing much more than that because just like any other sort of ghost there is, democracy doesn't really exist - at least in the context of Malaysian politics.

Now, full disclosure here: I didn't vote.

I didn't register early enough to qualify for this General Election. I also hold the very Chinese practical view that it is not going to be worth the exorbitantly priced air tickets to cast my ballot, which I feel would be diluted to the point of irrelevance by all the alleged Bangladeshi ghost voters (which apparently exist) that were illegally given identity cards and were bribed to vote for the reigning coalition, the alleged undisguised buying of votes in broad daylight, the suspicious alleged 11th hour blackouts and the alleged attempts to smuggle extra ballot boxes into the counting stations, and the frankly admirable work of gerrymandering and malapportionment that translates 50% of the citizens' vote (the real ones plus the allegedly real ones) into 40% of the parliamentary seats. For those of you who are weak at maths, Pakatan Rakyat reaped the majority of the all the votes in Malaysia but only got about two-thirds of the seats that Barisan Nasional got. I never thought that the Pakatan Rakyat had a ghost of a chance at winning because like I said, I don't believe in ghosts.

I have been told that since I am not voting, I don't have a right to comment on this General Election. Well, fuck you and your little dog too. Who taught you your constitutional rights, dumbass? How does not voting disqualify me from my right to free speech? It is my right to abstain from voting. It is also well within my rights to vote for BN in the next GE just to spite you.

Of course, my response to being told I should shut up is to speak even more loudly on social media, because actually shouting from my balcony wearing nothing but my boxers just makes me look like a crazy person.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am genuinely interested in the electoral process and happenings. I even broke my decade long abstinence from television just to have propaganda blaring into my living room to set the mood while I followed the live updates of election results online as fervently as I sometimes watch the fluctuating download speed of my torrents. I was also guilty of driving a keyboard while under the influence of too many homemade Old Fashioned - hence my unprecedented output on Twitter.

Here are some selected tweets from last night.

On accounts and videos of vigilantes profiling, harassing and beating up Bangladeshi ghost voters,

On the indelible ink which was only allegedly indelible,

On the ongoing online petition to the White House asking the US to intervene,

On the Pakatan Rakyat leader's very premature claim that they have won the election. To quote him, he said this on his Facebook page: "PR has won. We urge UMNO and the EC to not attempt to hijack the results. #ubah"

On the advice that's going around urging people to stock up on essentials like food for fear of massive unrest on the streets,

On deciding what to have for dinner yesterday,

On the Pahang's Menteri Besar's promise that he would cut off his ears and jump into the Pahang river if PR wins the Bentong constituency and the subsequent reneging of his promise, claiming that he didn't meant it literally,

On BN's sweep of most of the constituencies in the kingmaking state of Sarawak (Disclaimer: I don't actually know how many seats are up for grabs in Sarawak, or the difference between a state and a parliamentary seat either but I heard the real number is like 31 and that 's 14% of the total),

On the passion I see from the more reticent demographic groups in Malaysia,

On the BN statesman Ali Rustam, the incumbent Chief Minister of my home state of Malacca, who I later found out unexpectedly lost his Bukit Katil seat by just 44 votes,

On how PR supporters can win no matter what à la Anwar Ibrahim's prophecy style,

On masturbation,

On the renewed cries for the US to intervene after it became clear that PR wasn't going to win,

On the naïveté of PR supporters who were praying to God for a miraculous turning of the tide. Amusingly, this tweet was re-tweeted by BN supporters who completely missed the point and clearly did not understand what the word "atheist" means in my Twitter profile,

On always looking on the bright side of life,

And here is a bonus Facebook exchange between a colleague of mine and I after he expressed disappointment at PR's defeat,

PRU13 Star Wars metaphor
And at some point, Najib will reveal to Anwar that he is in fact his father.

Here's another one in which my wife, after discovering that PR had lost, blames me for it,

Wife Blames Me for Election Lost
I am monster!

Hope you enjoyed my tweets. Or got enraged off by them. Whatever man, I don't really care.

Is somehow responsible for PR's lost,
k0k s3n w4i


cheryl said...

Duh, you are clearly fucking me. No dog, only cats though.


Liz said...

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault! :p

Sigh. I realize now I was too naive to think that things might be different this time round. STEWPID. T.T

Anonymous said...

BN won! now, bow down. :P

nicoletta said...

Bahaha I was following the live updates on malaysiakini all through the wee hours of MOnday morning and watching all the social media rage unfold.

The thing that disturbed me most was all those videos with Malaysians beating up alleged hantu voters from Bangladesh, Myanmar etc. All that extreme hostility and xenophobia toward people who've been exploited and who don't really know what they're doing. I mean, come on! You lot are voting against racist policies and all that!

I don't look forward to being lynched publicly but...I didn't vote eep :( I never got down to registering until it was too late. And anyway, the Malaysian embassy is some nine hours away from where I live. But I don't have any excuse, really.

k0k s3n w4i said...

cheryl: Not talking about you-lah.

Liz: Well, PR did win the popular vote. BN only won the government on technicality.

Anonymous: We are already bent over.

nicoletta: The beating of alleged Bangladeshis are the things that enraged me the most about Pakatan supporters. They were profiling. I am reminded of what Nietzsche said: "He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."