Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Ache of Routine

"I can't believe you got this far in med school," said the Long-Suffering Girlfriend™ and that's only fair taking into account of all the times I've made fun of the entire discipline of dentistry (I frequently remind her that if all the doctors, nurses, and dentists in the country took turns to go on a day's leave, no one will notice the day the dentists are away). We kid because we looove.

But what she said is true. If they really know how much effort I put into passing my exams, they'd kick me out of the institution on principle. I am unambitious and non-competitive, but far too passionate about academic (and non-academic) subjects outside of the field of medicine. There's something about arranging an entire field of science into a structured curriculum which kills interest like kerosene kills lice.

In a month, I'll either give it the ol' college try and graduate a doctor or be held back for a whole six months to give myself something real to be depressed about. In the course of the past 5 years, I seem to have forgotten why I checked myself into this profession for. I am far too selfish to be good doctor. I think hard work is a human disease which should be eradicated, preferably using something convenient like a vaccine. And I hate people in general. Maybe I should go into radiology.

A couple of nights ago, I had another one of those Sisyphean (I like this word) dreams. This time, I wandered from house parties to house parties in search of a thick, red mathematics workbook; looking for boredom in the midst of fun. I thought it was a bit karmic considering that I only did about 1% of the maths homework I was set to do throughout my school career. I usually just solve the hardest question of each assignment and feed the rest to my dog because I thought that there isn't much point in repetition if you already understand the basics of it. Don't you?

An unlicensed homeopath initiated a conversation with me the other day and I was too much of a wuss to tell him that he's a quack. He told me he was treating a few patients with colon cancer and all I did was to ask him if they were also undergoing conventional therapy. He said yes, and I let it go. He was surprised at how much I already know about homeopathy though - he would have been even more surprised to find out that that's because I always make it a point to know about the pseudoscientific magical thinking I oppose (including religion). Oh well, some battles aren't worth fighting. Besides, he's the nephew of the patient I was interviewing and I would like to keep things cordial in the room.

I can't decide if the days are going too fast or too slow.

P.S. I bought a grapefruit. It's been sitting in my fridge for a couple of days now.


mg said...

radiology rockss.. IF only we have computerised images.. but still it's great to sit in a dark room reporting and have coffee/tea.. air cond in some places :P

yea i realised that i might have chosen the wrong profession towads the end of my med skool. sigh. anyway, good luck!

Phoebs said...

eat the grapefruit now!!! T^T i just realized im not working my abs enough. other people do way more than me :(

Dr.Vishaal Bhat said...

Couldn't help taking a dig at the poor grapefruit could you? lol!

As for being too selfish to be a doctor! Think again, everyone takes up the profession today for the moolah.. only a few are really selfless.. so do not ever think that way again.

Anonymous said...

You should watch this before taking that grapefruit. haha

Anonymous said...

all that bright lights in a dark room (even if its a computer)hurts my eyes. =P

k0k s3n w4i said...

mg: thanks. oh, and we got to meet again so i can return your mcleod's. i'm in my study break now :)

Phoebs: i don't work my abs at all.

Dr.Vishaal Bhat: i'm definitely not doing it for the money. i'm lamenting the loss of my free time. i'm selfish because i think i rather spend those time reading, writing and watching stuff than using them to save lives.

Anonymous #1: this is another reason why i shouldn't have kids. i'll spend all day feeding it bad-tasting stuff and recording its reactions.

Anonymous #2: try sunglasses! :D

Dr.Vishaal Bhat said...

@Kok Okay.. if that is so, I suggest some paraclinical/pre-clinical subjects.. lots of free time.. look at me.. lol

Azygous said...

"And I hate people in general. Maybe I should go into radiology."

Consider interventional radiology.
Almost zero contact with patients, highest income (and prospect) among other radiologist.

Anyway, still too early to decide on specialty right?
Maybe when you're working as a doctor (soon right?), you'll develop some interest in dealing with people?
You'll never know...

Good luck.

k0k s3n w4i said...

Dr.Vishaal Bhat: we shall see. i liked anatomy and microbiology a lot, but i want to work in the system awhile first :/

Azygous: waaay too early... considering that i haven't even gotten my mbbs yet. still, a lot of my colleagues are already showing interest in interventional radiology.