Saturday, October 30, 2010

Amnesia and I

"If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi."

Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker

I woke up this morning lying at the front door of my house; the bottom half of me outside and the upper half in. My head, feeling two sizes too small, was resting on a pillow. My grandmother must have found me there and having failed to rouse me, decided that I might as well be comfortable. The old girl's good at taking things like this in stride.

The last thing I remember was being at a lounge called Home by the Melaka River where Shaki, a homeboy of mine, was celebrating his 25th birthday. I was told to be there at 8:30 pm and arrived ten minutes late to still be the first guest to materialise. So, I dialed Shaki up,

"Why the fuck must you always be on time?" he said, laughing. "Hang on, we are reaching soon."

Only in Malaysia can I get told off for not being late enough. Anyhow, some fellas and I pooled our funds and got him a book which he'd been wanting badly. And yeah, I was the one who introduced him to the original trilogy and got him hooked. The author should really cut me a share of his royalties considering how many people I have gotten to read his books.

The rest of the party was a series of fractured snapshots in my memory bank and I remember laughing too much and generally having a rip-roaring good time knocking back drinks after too many drinks. Then, at some point, my spirit-soaked mind went right off the grid and nothing further registered until I woke up this morning draped across the threshold of my house. After a few phone calls, I managed to piece together the following sequence of events:

An hour before the party concluded, I stopped downing glasses of Scotch. Apparently, I told everyone that that's because I have to drive myself back. Just before I left, someone got a hold of me and asked me if I'm capable of captaining a car on my own. My response was to smile drunkenly roguishly and say, "What do you think?"

Another someone said, "He looks fine. Cut him loose." And cut loose I was. Personally, I don't think many people were in any condition to make sensible judgment calls at that point.

It had started pouring a bit as I was walking to my car. I called my girlfriend up en route because I told her to expect a ring from me after the party ends. It seems that even when I was running on autopilot, I was capable of remembering to do that. She told me that I stayed on the phone the entire time till I reached home base safely. You know what that means right? It meant that I had committed the trifecta of dangerous driving: drunk and talking on the cellphone while it's raining.

Shaki said that their ride caught up with mine just as I was reaching my suburban neighborhood. According to him, I appeared to be driving fine, if a bit slow and unsure. He also said that I did not kill any strays or run any hobos over, and the lack of any bloodstains on my car supports that account. On arrival, Phoebe said I remarked that I wanted to puke and proceeded to do just that because I'm a man of my words ("It sounded disgusting," she said). After my revolting and execrable performance, I purportedly mumbled something unintelligible before hanging up. And then bam! Drunken coma in the doorway.

That's it. I swear I'm never drinking that much ever again.

Irresponsibly liquored twit,
k0k s3n w4i


Phoebs said...

xD ewww... u slept with bugs the entire night. im still terribly hungry T__T feel like eating pizza

Anonymous said...

Haha, I'm not one to lecture so be safe. :)

Inn Shan said...

any bloodstains might be washed away by the pouring rain...thus your conclusion is flawed.

février said...

you sound like nikhil.

"a homeboy of mine"


Jen said...

"That's it. I swear I'm never drinking that much ever again."

That's what they all say.

k0k s3n w4i said...

Phoebs: i slept under the stars T^T

lovealynna: will try to remember that the next time i have more alcohol in my veins than blood.

Inn Shan: touché.

beve: fo shizzle.

Jen: copycats.