The Top 12 Photographs I Took at the Mysore Zoo

"Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings."

Evan Esar

Dude, you took the words right out of my mouth and made them awesome!

Okay, it's either I'm still on Tioman Island or I'm on a bus slowly cutting across the peninsula back to Malacca - I'm a bit sketchy about the schedule because I didn't plan it. Heck, I was sketchy about my school timetables even though I lived them on repeat every single week, changing them only annually, for the past 18 years of my life (counting kindergarten, though I can't really remember if I had a timetable back them). I'm that guy who calls my classmate on the day before the yearly medical school university exam asking what subject comes first and where they are holding the exam.

The thing is, I wrote this post right after I wrote the last one, so it's me again speaking to you from the past, only this time I'm speaking from sometime further back - while I am still either on Tioman or on a bus. Gosh, this is giving me existential headaches.

Okay, my bus to Mersing leaves in a couple of hours so I'm keeping this snappy. Twelve pictures with captions. In actuality, I took about a bajillion pictures at the Mysore Zoo but lucky for you, I have narrowed it down to just a dozen of the ones I think are most well-shot or funny.

So, here they are, on an ascending order of entertainment value. The best is at the bottom,

1. Phoebe and a gaur, which is the name they give to cows on steroids in India.

2. A Tapir. Or Tenuk. Or Cipan. I always wondered why this animal has so many Malay names. I'm liking the snout though. It's so disapproving.

3. Ever been intimidated by a tall guy before? It's kind of like that - only worse.

4. Not every animal are in cages and enclosures in the Mysore Zoo.

5. I'll have you know I risk life, limb and rabies to get this shot. You DON'T stand in the way of monkeys. It's a very stupid thing to do and I am indeed very stupid. Lucky for me, this monkey was quite placid (or have already eaten, thank you very much) and appears to be considering a detour. I like to see one of our skinny-ass Olympic gymnasts balance on a bar this narrow. Wait, scrape that; I rather see a very fat man try to balance on a bar this narrow.

6. A very happy hippo. I overheard a man saying to his son, "Look, dinosaur!"

7. Forest Gump doing it wrong (Wow, would you just check that gorilla ass out?).

8. I caught this show on Animal Planet the other night and I learnt that an elephant's penis is prehensile (that is, for you people who failed English in high school, the ability to move its penis like it moves its trunk). Now, if only the human penis is prehensile, I bet our ladies would be a whole lot more happier in the bedroom. For the record, the elephant in the picture was just standing there, letting its massive dong sway in the wind - probably getting off from making us feel ridiculously inferior. "You may have got me locked up here, but I still have the bigger dick!"

9. Or maybe the elephant was just making this chimp feel inferior. "It's in there, somewhere. I swear I just saw it last week!"

10. I'm under the impression that this chimp feels that it makes him very attractive sitting that way.

11. Phoebe made me take this picture. She was practically screaming, "AAAHHH! LOOK, LOOK! THE BUTT IS HEART SHAPE! TAKE A PICTURE! FASTER TAKE A PICTURE!!!"

12. It's the same ape as the one above and I assume that it must be really comfortable sitting on that butt. I'll never look at heart-shaped cushions the same way again. I don't know if you see it like how I see it but this is just frankly ludicrous. The solemn expression on his face, the deadly looking fangs, the crazy hair, the way he's clutching his toes like a baby that just got the hang of sitting... He's all "I is big chief of monkeys. I sit laik dis."



P.S. The Mysore Zoo is seriously the best zoo I have ever been to. Phoebs and I couldn't even see all the animals in there. It's always worth a visit if you're ever in Mysore.



Is coming back from Tioman soon,
k0k s3n w4i