Tuesday, January 21, 2014

This is the Face of Someone Who Smokes in My Hospital

 "Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?"


The quote is attributed to the late George Carlin, but I cannot find any references for that.

The Psychiatry Clinic I serve at is situated right in front of the Emergency and Trauma Department (ETD) and everyday after work, I would have to walk past the ambulance bay on my way to my car. Of all the corners of the Sarawak General Hospital, the entrance to the ETD is the spot that suffers from the worst infestation of cigarette smokers and after sundown, these goons would congregate there to enjoy their little tobacco penises. You'll see many signs hanging thereabouts cautioning would-be transgressors that anyone caught smoking there would incur a RM 5,000 fine but they were about as impotent as the graphic pictures of cancer and stillbirth on the cigarette packs at deterring these feckless butt-tonguing ash-bandits.

Today, while walking between two parked ambulances, I caught the scent of burnt tobacco wafting in the air. And it wasn't even dark yet! Unlike most other members of the hospital staff, I would always take the time to deal with these shitheads who dare smoke on hospital grounds - mostly because I really, really, really hate smokers. I honestly hate them more than I hate heroin junkies, and I daresay I hate them as much as I hate child rapists. Someday, I will write a full-length thesis on why they should be shot on sight but for now, I'll just commit to the current plot.

As I was saying, I instinctively drew my camera from my satchel and started hunting down the source of the hellish fumes. I soon found him - a smelly middle-aged man with the unhealthily browned complexion of a chronic smoke inhaler leaning against a wall while fiddling with his tablet PC. A glowing fag was held lazily between two fingers on his left hand.

And the poo cherry on top of this dung pie? He was standing right below a "No Smoking" sign, bold as brass testicles!

Asshole Smoker in Hospital
Behold, the face of a lawbreaker. And note the number of cigarette butts around his feet.

Cigarette in Hand
Here is a closeup.

"What's this?!" he bellowed in irritation in Malay as I snapped his picture.

"Smoking is against the law on hospital grounds," I told him coldly, flashing my ID card.

"I just needed one cigarette," he explained. "I couldn't stand it anymore."

Now, anyone who couldn't do without a cigarette for any amount of time and would intentionally break the law to have one in a hospital is clearly an addict. I informed him that he would face a fine of 5,000 ringgit for his crime.

"Do you think I have that kind of money?" the smelly man argued insolently, cigarette still undiscarded.

"Clearly, you are rich enough to burn dozens of these everyday," I said, gesturing at the burning evidence in his hand. "And don't pretend that you don't know it's wrong. You are standing right beneath a 'No Smoking' sign."

He looked up briefly at the plastic plaque and then claimed that he didn't see it. That's how incorrigible the smokers in Kuching are. They light up in public without a care in the world, and would not even bother to try and find out if they are suppose to smoke wherever they are. I have lost count of the times I see smokers indulging in their dirty masturbatory habits in frustratingly close proximity to "No Smoking" signs as if they have collectively developed blind spots to such warnings through decades of practiced ignorance nurtured by permissive indifference. I am convinced that the city of Kuching has one of the worst public smoking problems in the world.

Then without warning, he ditched his cigarette and bolted. I am not kidding. The cowardly asshole simply ran away to avoid paying the fine. I didn't give chase because the Ministry of Health isn't paying me nearly enough for me to do my real job, let alone enough for me to run down stinky yellow-teethed cancer-giving scums of society like him through the hospital parking lot.

Anyway, there is a dire shortage of shame amongst Kuching's tobacco addicts so as a service to the public, I decided to post his uncensored mugshot here on the internet so everyone can look at how that craven criminal looks like. And let this be warning to all you inconsiderate dumbasses out there who think you can continue lighting up in my hospital with impunity: Your face might be the next one I exhibit here.

Addendum 23.01.2014: Apparently, those "graphic pictures of cancer and stillbirth" on cigarette packs DO work. My mistake.

Scourge of public smokers,
k0k s3n w4i