Sunday, December 04, 2011

Hate and Bile in a Queue at the Movies

"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough."

Bede Jarrett

The world around me and the people in it make very little sense to me. For example, how can anyone possibly believe that there is a God without the benefit of any real evidence? That does not compute for me. Why is having a kid out of wedlock such a bad thing? What is it with women and their fetishistic passion for exorbitantly priced handbags?

However, if I have to make a pronouncement on the one thing I understand least about people, it's how they sometimes behave at the ticket line at the movies. I don't know about you, but before going to catch a film at a local theatre, I almost always look up the day's schedule on the web first before I even step out of my bedroom. I'd arrive at the cineplex with one or three movies that I plan to watch with their showtimes already memorised. Also, I would also have a good idea of where I want to sit in any theatre (about 4 or 5 rows from the screen, right in the centre) and a sundry of other seats which I wouldn't mind terribly. One of the reasons why I don't normally ask anyone out to watch movies with me is because most people prefers to sit nearer to the back, and I hate, hate, hate making compromises on my preferences. I hate that only slightly less than having anyone - even my closest friends - contest my choice of films.

It usually takes me only about 15 seconds at the box office to get in, get tickets, and get out. So, it baffles and infuriates me when moviegoers takes a full minute or more to make their purchase. You know the type - they would approach the counter, take an eternity to decide on which film they want to watch because they did not so much as glance at the roster on the letterboard before jumping into the queue. Hell, they don't even need to do that anymore because most box offices these days have display screens overhead flashing the available showtimes. It meant that while they were waiting in line, they were too simply lazy or retarded to look the fuck up. Then, they'd hold up the line further by deliberating on the films' timings, trying to figure out which are the least offensive ones to their day's activities.

Of course, what really screws the pooch for me was when they are presented with a graphical display of the available seats, they would stare at it like it's the most mind-bending conundrum in the known universe. Civilisations rise and fall while they decide. The Egyptians probably took less time to build the pyramids than it take them to pick where they want to park their asses for a couple of hours. Usually, it's because the row at the back is all filled up and they are leery of getting too close to the film they wanted to see. I don't fucking understand it: why do people keep fighting over what are clearly inferior seats? Don't you think that you would get the most bang for the buck when you are in the middle of the blast zone of the surround sound system with the screen filling up your field of vision? Morons.

The worst scums of the earth are jerks that get to the box office and find out that their preferred seats or movies aren't available - so they proceed to hold a conference call with their buddies in situ while a hundred other patrons wait for them to make their life-changing decision. And no, they usually don't even have the decency to step aside and let others go first, fearing that even the crappy seats would be snapped up while they stall. This happened to me last weekend as three ugly, fat teenage hippopotami girls called the other members of their of Edward Cullen's Cock-Sucking Brigade because they might have to sit apart for Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Yes, the people behind you in a queue are judging all your physical flaws while you ruin their day. C'est la vie. In fact, if I'm in the line, I'm probably silently willing your father and mother to die in a gruesome gardening accident, or your children to be tortured, raped and infected with AIDS. I'm not even kidding. That's what I did to keep myself from boiling over, leaping at them, and crushing their larynges with my bare fingers. If you believe in the evil eye, this should cause you some concern.

One heroic mother of three standing directly behind the Twilight Cum-Sluts told them firmly that if they are having trouble deciding, they should let other people buy their tickets first - and they ignored her, indignant that anyone would dare speak to their self-entitled lard-asses that way. Eventually, they left empty-handed which meant that they wasted everybody's time for absolutely nothing. I was surprised that I had the presence of mind to stop myself from stomping them brutally in the ovaries.

One of these days, I'm going to stroke. Look, people of Kuching, I can forgive your lousy car-parking skills and your rubbish local food but please, stop being assholes at the box office. Hugs and kisses.



Has anger management issues,
k0k s3n w4i

8 comments:

azim allaudin said...

Not just at the cinema, that kind of people also exist in fast food joints...

At McDonald's for instant... There are so many people who think about what they want to order at the counter instead of doing it while queuing...

Yeah, it pisses me off too... How can people be that stupid...


If the movie I wanted to watch is not available, I always have a plan B that I've figured out before reaching the counter because I don't want people to wait on me...

nicoletta said...

that was one brutally angry post.

cinema queues in KL tend to make me late for the film I intend to watch even if I started lining up forty-five minutes before. in Auckland it takes time too, but not because of inconsiderate people (other patrons will be more vocal about this sort of nonsense and the staff will serve other customers). rather it's because tickets and food are sold at the same counters because cinemas are much smaller here.

going to the movies during non-peak hours is a most heavenly experience. in auckland. it's just me and the whole empty dark room.

McGarmott said...

YOU. SPOKE. MY. FUCKING. MIND.

Especially paragraph 2, I could've written exactly that word for word! 4th/5th row center, exactly mate. And I've always said that I often feel depressed and hopeless about Malaysians whenever I'm in a movie ticket counter queue.

k0k s3n w4i said...

azim allaudin: it doesn't bother me all that much in fast food restaurants because the wait is frequently insignificant - but yeah, same deal. i am convinced it's a sign of subhuman intelligence.

nicoletta: i indulge in my violent fantasies precisely because they are harmless and cathartic. and i agree - seeing a movie on a weekday afternoon is bliss. particularly perfect for thoughtful, artsy and heavy films. for some other types of movies, i like a responsive crowd.

McGarmott: i thought you might agree :) and if you're anything like me, you would also tell off those irritating numbskulls who talk THROUGHOUT the entire running time of movies they watch. the boyfriend-explaining-every-plot detail-to-his-girlfriend (and vice versa) couples are the worst. if my girlfriend is too dumb to figure a film out on her own, i'd have dumped her without a second thought.

Nis said...

I'm joining you in the surgery department soon next.

k0k s3n w4i said...

Nis: just you? or the rest as well?

shanaz@RS said...

You know what, some cinema-goers are just complete excrement. The last time I went to the theater, a week back or so, to catch a lousy movie I won't name here, I nearly lost my patience and about to smack some sense into the heads of over-excitable ladies who were conversing very loudly like it was a pasar! And these were mothers of young children. Well, maturity is not promised with age. And the cinema where I live sucked spheres!

Glo-w~* said...

I get quite carried away with my imagination for their punishment too.... something like yours~ ^^