Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bookends: March 2009 (Part 1)

Welcome, good people, to the maiden posting of my new monthly book roundup segment - something I've been thinking about adding to my web journal for quite some time now. What's going to happen is this; at the end of every month, I shall make a list of all the books I've read in said month, and write a short review for every one of those books. There reviews will be as concise as I can make them, each containing just my very subjective spoiler-free opinions on why the book in question rocks (or blows, as the case may be). Yes, this is going to be just like my menstrual cycle but instead blood, I'll be haemorrhaging short, badly written, heavily biased opinions on books I read every month. And yes, I'm calling this segment Bookends - at least until I come up with something cleverer. Suggestions welcomed.

Of course, I can't promise you the regularity of this segment. For one thing, there's a possibility that I might not have finished even one book in a particular month. I am after all a medical student and time is pretty hard to come by for me. Right before I started day one of medical school, a friend of mine - the only other guy in my class in college who shared my love for speculative fiction, and who had already started his course ahead of me - said this;

"You won't have time for novels."

That sounded like a dare, don't you think? In response to that, I made a vow to never yield to pressure, or give up my favourite pastime. So, while I am perfectly capable of scraping up loose time from the floor for frivolous reading (during meals, right before I sleep, in those minutes before lectures commence etc.), I can't guarantee that I will try as hard in updating these book reviews.

Alright, that's about all the introduction you'll ever need. In the month of March, I've had two weeks of exams and a week of class, and only about a week of holiday - so I only read Chronicles of the Black Company by Glen Cook (which is a trilogy containing, surprise surprise, 3 books), Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket, The Well-Built City Trilogy by Jeffrey Ford, Bridge of Birds by Barry Hughart and lastly, Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer. I also read the first three books of The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher which I borrowed from Shaki at the beginning of this month, but I'll reserve judgment until I read the rest of the books. That makes... 12 books in total. Damn, I rock.



Chronicles of the Black Company
by Glen Cook

"Evil is relative. You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger."

Croaker


Cover Chronicles of the Black Company
The cover got me, I admit.

Look at your standard fantasy epic; what's in it? You got your assembly line Dark Lord who had either been quietly gathering his power after his defeat ages ago, was recently released from a magical prison or came from another plane of existence to enslave all living blah blah, and he has his evil empire, his cowled and shadowy lieutenants and his army of always-chaotically evil minions. Then there's the heroes, the shining paragons of light and righteousness who will stand against all odds against the Dark Lord and kick his Dark Ass from this side of Fantasy Land to the next. In books like these, we typically follow the story of the Chosen One and his buddies because, well, who else is worth reading about, right?

Chronicles of the Black Company, published between 1984 and 1985, stabbed that tired piece of convention squarely in the heart as it detailed the trials and tribulations of the Black Company - an elite band of mercenaries made up of exiles, fugitives and amoral killers - as they do the biddings of their employer, the mysterious Lady, a powerful ancient sorceress who runs an evil empire. It's a gritty character driven story, told mostly from the point of view of the company's surgeon and annalist, Croaker, over three books; The Black Company, Shadows Linger and The White Rose. There aren't many words wasted on scenery and description porn, as fantasy writers are wont to do though personally, I find the author's spartan style to be a bit dry at times.

The best thing I like about the trilogy besides the fresh angle of storytelling is that it humanises the extras and working class characters in a fantasy epic. It tells you the story of the little people who got caught between the forces of good and evil, and how they cope with it. And speaking of good and evil, distinguishing between the two in the Chronicles of the Black Company isn't as straightforward as one might think - because there aren't really any good guys.

What truly these novels apart is that, as you read on; you'll discover that there aren't really any bad guys either.

Score: 6/10



Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
by Lemony Snicket

"Life is a turbulent journey.
fraught with
confusion.
heartbreak.
and inconvenience.

This book will not help."

On the back of Horseradish:
Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid


Cover Horseradish
Vegetable makes people sad.

As I've already detailed in a post earlier this month, Jen gave me this book. It is a quotation book partly drawn from the set of children books, A Series of Unfortunate Events also written by Lemony Snicket (or Mark Handler, as he's known in the real world) in the style - or possibly even in parody - of your usual "wit and wisdom" compilation books.

This book panders particularly to readers who have a warped streak in their sense of humour.
The quotes in this book played an incredible range of emotions; from funny, nonsensical and utterly random to serious, profound and at times, even a little depressing. But what am I doing describing the book to you? The book speaks for itself! Tell you what. I'll just open some random pages in the book and give you a couple of gems from them.

Here's one from Chapter 8, themed Emotional Health,

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!"


and here's another from Chapter 12, which carried the heading of An Overall Feeling of Doom that One Cannot Ever Escape No Matter What One Does,

Many old folktales portray Death as a cloaked figure who knocks on the doors of the souls he has come to whisk away, but that is not always the way of the world. Sometimes Death may approach the door very slowly and very loudly, so that by the time he knocks everyone in the neighborhood is aware of his approach, or he may prefer to pick the lock of the back door and sit up all night in your kitchen until you stroll downstairs in your bathrobe and learn that he has been waiting for you, sitting in your favorite chair and rearranging your silverware when he got bored.


I'm going to spend a lot of time trying to lend this book to everyone I know. Dammit Jen, now I know why you gave it to me!

Score: 9/10



The Well-Built City Trilogy
by Jeffrey Ford

"A nose to me was an epic, a lip, a play, an ear, a many-volumed history of mankind's fall"

Physiognomist Cley, First Class


Cover The Physiognomy
Trippy.

Now let's see if I can summarise the entire trilogy for you in a single paragraph;

The first book of the The Well-Built City Trilogy consists is The Physiognomy, follows the story of Physiognomist Cley, who is employed by a man who built a city in imitation of a city in his mind. The second book is titled Memoranda, which continues Cley's story as he journey through a world in a person's head. The Beyond, the third book, details Cley's travel through a vast and untamed wilderness which is representative of the world's imagination.

Confused? I thought so. Read on, pilgrim. I'll give you a synopsis of the first book. Maybe I can get you hooked on the trilogy too, as I was.


Cover Memoranda
This demon is wearing spectacles.

Physiognomy is a fascinating scientific concept in the novels' world (a pseudoscience in ours) which allows anyone who is well-versed in its intricacies to accurately gauge a person's character with absolute precision just from reading and measuring a person's facial features and body proportions. Cley, Physiognomist, First Class, is the best at what he does. He was sent by his employer, Master Drachton Below, to a mining settlement called Anamasobia to investigate the theft of a religious relic from a church there and to arrest the culprit using his expertise. And so began Cley's long and arduous journey which is sometimes physical, occasionally cerebral but always spiritual.

Cley is one of the few main characters in fiction who I genuinely have any affection for. He is an arrogant bastard of a man who thinks that everyone is a malformed troglodyte with profound mental shortcomings, and he would say it too. He drug and date rape women he pick up from the streets. He beat up a man who made a joke which he did not find funny. He's the kind of man whose first thought on seeing children building a snowman is to kick it to pieces. Since The Physiognomy was told in the first person format from his point of view, you get to share his hilariously mean thoughts intimately - though I'm not sure how healthy it is for our souls to do so.

Cover The Beyond
This is precisely why you shouldn't do drugs, kids.

Another discipline aside from physiognomy to be featured prominently in The Well-Built City Trilogy is the method of loci, a mnemonic link system used to remember large amounts of information by reducing them into places in the mind - and a person can recall these data by merely walking through the places in their imagination (like a house or a palace) and looking at details in these mental pictures which are designed to invoke specific details. You can educate yourself about it here. I was first exposed to it a couple of years ago when I read Thomas Harris' Hannibal Rising. In it, it was established that the gifted villain protagonist and psychopathic cannibal, Hannibal Lecter, uses a "memory palace" to house his memories and his sizeable wealth of learning.

The titular Well-Built City was built by Master Drachton Below, Cley's teacher and employer, who modeled it lovingly after a mnemonic city in his own mind - because a mere palace would have been insufficient to store the immensity of his genius. The second book features this theme more prominently.

The third book, narrated by a character first introduced to us in Memoranda, has a decidedly Crusoe-esque charm to it. I am confident enough to say that anyone who liked Defoe's definitive and classical take on survivalist and redemption fiction would enjoy The Beyond as well.

I finished all three book over two days. They were like drugs for me - which is an apt comparison because they were quite possibly the first books I've ever read to ever give me a chemical high (or something close enough anyway). The story, while being deftly-structured and plot-dense, has a wispy, unreal feel to it. Half the time, I was expecting that it'd be revealed at the end of each book that it was all just a big, messy, LSD-induced dream. Normally, if an author tries to heap this much symbolism, extended metaphors and masturbatory intellectualism on me, I would quickly lose interest. Mr Ford, however, pulled this off masterfully.

Score: 8/10



Note: The Bookends for March 2009 is only half-completed but unfortunately, I cannot possibly finish this tonight. There's a couple of Surgery case reports I have to hand in for evaluation tomorrow so hang tight, fellas - I will give you the second part of this post tomorrow! Also, do let me know if you guys like this new segment of my blog, alright? Part 2 is HERE.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Couple of Questions for my Readers

As you can see, I have finally updated my minute-long reviews of films I have watched recently in my sidebar. I have been wondering if I should make it a regular monthly update in the form of a proper posting instead of the transient post-it style they are now in. They probably took you a minute each to read tops, but I can assure you that it definitely took me more than a minute to write them. Well, I'm not saying that my reviews are any good at all but there were some I wish I preserved because as soon as I put up new ones, the old ones are deleted, unsaved, gone forever. It makes me feel like I'm throwing quite a lot of effort down the sinkhole.

Then again, I could have been wasting time anyway if no one bothers to read them in the first place. So, if it's not too much to ask, dear readers, I'd like a little feedback on the short movie reviews I've been doing. Put it in the chat box or in the comment section, I don't care which. I just want to know what you think of them.

The other question is: Should I change them into a monthly round-up format in a proper post?

Sekian, terima kasih.

Friday, March 27, 2009

This is a Short and Very Frustrated Post

I have spent the past two hours writing when my web browser unexpectedly froze the fuck up - so I had to 'X' the motherboard-fucker and restart it. When I did, I found that the autosave feature of Blogger had malfucktioned on me and that all my hard-typed work have gone whoosh down the internet flusher. This is all Streamyx's fault. For the past few days, it takes me ages to load the simplest pages. Roger Ebert's website had been loading for two whole goat-fucking hours and even then, only the background of his mainpage was completed. I turned off my modem, pulled out the phone line, jacked it straight into my laptop and used my Jaring dial-up instead - and voila, the page finish loading in two minutes flat! Get this; Streamyx is slower than fucking dial-up!

And I'm not talking about those times when Streamyx just wouldn't connect at all for days at times.

I miss my Airtel broadband back in India. I pay half as much for the same bandwidth and it is consistently fast and stable. When anything went wrong, the technicians respond within the day. They even replaced my modem when it fizzled out from my heavy-duty usage for free! A colleague of mine said that a technician even responded to him after midnight. Now, I wish people would shut the fuck up about how India is a third world country and that everything there is shitty, low-tech and runs on cow-power. They provide better broadband internet than our foremost internet service provider, alright?

Fuck Streamyx. Fuck you very, very much.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

My First Attempt at Buying Porn

"They want to be like me . They're seeing the glamour icon but don't realize . . . there are more facets to me besides spreading my legs ."

Jenna Jameson, American Porn Star


I really enjoy reading interviews of porn stars.


Today, or rather, yesterday was my first day of my new semester over at the ol' medical school grind house after a very long, very restful week-long holiday. And today, on my quote unquote first night, I'm already pulling an all-nighter. Then there was that little orientation session for the Semester 7 Surgery clinical posting, which broke the news to me that this Semester is a whole different species of animal from the previous one. For one thing, I didn't a TWO case discussion sessions in the morning back in Semester 6. I didn't have a case discussion session in the afternoon either. Altogether, that trebled my workload. Also, in Semester 6, I only have to take the hour long journey to Muar once per week. Now, I have the dubious privilege of going there every single day. The Surgery posting is now 8 weeks long instead of 6. And guess what guess what? On two of those weeks, I'm going to be actually living in the Muar Hospital! The faculty in charge of our Batch just informed us cheerily that the place we're staying in Muar during our tenure there finally has hot water. It makes me wonder what other essential conveniences they'll finally have next in the subsequent semesters.

After that very interesting introduction on life in hell, the lecturer asked us if we have any questions regarding the arrangements for our posting this term.

"So, where's my life in all this?" I asked while poring over the timetable, just barely out of earshot. That's lucky because they don't really approve of wisecracks in hell. I mean, medical school.

Okay, I got to work my ass off now in this first half of the Ante Meridiem. But first, a little anecdote of a pointless little incident back when I was living at my aunt's in Kepong last week.

I saw a small middle-aged man with thinning hair and gold rimmed glasses, and he was rooting furtively alone through a box of porn DVD's belonging to a couple of street corner pirates. I felt sorry for him - sorry that he had yet to discover the internet. There's a global repository of porn out there so vast that it's enough to put anyone off porn forever (for free, by the way) and this uncle here is still getting porn the old fashioned way, buying a few hours of smut with real money.

pr0n
Not pictured: sad uncle who has never heard of the internet.

So, as I was thinking; the only logical thing for me to do here was to go stand beside the uncle, root through the box with him and flash him a real friendly smile - which I did, by the way. He didn't smile back though. In fact, he seemed to have lost his appetite for porn right there and then, and drifted away, pornless.

It then occured to me that I have never bought porn from a shady street corner pirate before so I thought I would, y'know, in the spirit of doing everything once. I even called Phoebe telling her that I was doing.

"Can't you just get them from the internet?" she said in weary contrast to my childish excitement.

"But I've never done this before!" I replied, as if it's a real good reason.

Anyhow, after about 5 minutes of digging through that big drippy box of merry debauchery while aunties glare disapprovingly at me as they and their kids walked past, I decided that I wasn't going to buy any after all. The thing is, there's that side of me that just pops up every time I'm looking to purchase any form of fiction; a novel, a movie ticket, or even porn - it doesn't matter which. I call that side of me the wannabe-cognoscente. While trying to pick something out of all the colourful and obscene but not very informative porn DVD covers, I started wondering whether any of them have won any awards, if my favourite porn-stars are starring in them, about the quality of production, the budget, etc... just like what I do with books (which I obviously discern between choices using a totally different set of criteria, of course). I called Phoebe up to tell her about my failure to buy porn, because as my girlfriend, she gets to know every mundane detail of my day.

"You're missing the point of porn," she pointed out after listening to my report



Will stick to the interwebz,
k0k s3n w4i

Thursday, March 19, 2009

13 Things Which Keep Me Awake At Night

"Sleep is a symptom of coffee deprivation."

Author unknown


  1. My progressive detachment from humanity.
  2. The Internet. Nuff' said.
  3. Some people would go through their entire lives without finding out that their spouse has been cheating on them all this time.
  4. Oversized suppers.
  5. That mouse which has taken up residence in my bedroom. I have seen it skittering about from the corners of my eyes while I work nights at my laptop, heard it squeaking after I kill the lights. It might eat my books. I must catch it and bend it to my will.
  6. My unfinished novel, and my inadequacies in ever doing it justice. I don't want to be like Neil Gaiman; having lots of good ideas but sucking at putting them down on paper.
  7. I am 23 22-and-a-half years old but am still stuck in dependency hell. I hate to still be studying when most of my contemporaries have started working. It's killing me.
  8. Am I one of the good guys, or one of the bad guys?
  9. Petroleum will run out one day. Now, I shall go on long string of logical conclusions so do try to follow if you're smart enough (yes, that IS a dare). It took us tens of thousands of years to reach a world population of 1 billion. After the Scond Industrial Revolution and the adoption of petroleum as the de facto global currency, that number surged exponentially to the 6.8 billion of today in 200 years time, largely due to improved food production powered directly and indirectly by oil and partly due to modern medicine, which relies heavily on oil as well (which I shall elucidate in a mo). Now, try to follow me on this other tangent; our planet's biggest source of energy is sunlight, so much so that all other avenues of power we harness for our uses is negligible in comparison. Earth receives a constant amount of sunlight each year which sustains life, grow our food and power our stuff. Petroleum is a fossil fuel, created from compression and heating of ancient organic materials - stuff made using the power of sunlight millions of years ago. Ergo, petroleum is basically ancient sunlight trapped underground. Think of oil deposits as our planet's savings account, accumulating sun energy our planet couldn't finish using in the past. What we are doing in this day and age, is basically drawing cash from that savings account. Our current 6.8 billion world population is grown off and sustained by borrowed energy, surviving on borrowed time. One day, when petroleum is depleted, when all our oil wells run dry, we go right back to using only the constant amount of sunlight alloted to us yearly by the sun. The big question is; can that amount maintain us all? Or will everyone die of starvation till we're back to pop. 1 billion? Also, look at all the cars on every road in the world today. They will all be useless scrap metal once oil runs out. Think about all those airplanes which lets us go anywhere in the world at any time. They run on oil too. And medicine, oh boy. A heck lot of antibiotics, sedatives, painkillers etc are made from petrochemicals - and so is all those plastic we use to make sterile syringes, IV bag, catheters and all manners of disposable medical instruments. Petroleum, the lot of 'em. Imagine a world without petroleum. Scientists have projected that that world will happen in 50 years time or less.
  10. Religions, and how they will be the death of us all.
  11. The Malaysian government. They don't give two shits about the people, or even democracy, for that matter. The Opposition's just the same, or will be.
  12. 99% of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues are virulently homophobic.
  13. Susanna Clarke might take ten years (or more!) to complete the sequel to Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, which actually did take her a whole decade to write. She might even die before she finish writing it.



P.S. This is not exactly a meme, but if anyone wants to do it, I want to read it. Leave me a link if you do.



Not getting enough sleep,
k0k s3n w4i