"Is it just me or is everyone
Hiding out between the lights?
Where will we be when we come undone?
Just a simple meeting of the minds
Singing we’ll fight fire with fire
Fire with fire
Fire with fire"Fire With Fire (2010) by Scissor Sisters
The above has no relation to this post. It's just my latest earworm.
I spend a great deal of my time alone, and my adeptness at self-entertainment certainly makes it an easy lifestyle to perpetuate. I am not so arrogant as to think I can carry out a friendless existence, but I do believe my demand for companionship is lower than most. Phoebe is pretty much all I need - a lover, a confidant and family all in one person. A man is not an island, but he can damn well be a peninsula.
I find myself eating alone on my own ninety-nine out of a hundred times. I also watch a monster share of films at the cinema solo. I do this because I find it a hassle to call my friends up and make dates. I have little patience with the liberties they take with punctuality. I dislike having to sync my time and activities to other people's. I hate having to democratically decide where the group should eat or what movie the group should catch. These are the excuses, justifications and apologies I make for being such a loner. They are not the reasons.
I discovered the reason not one week ago, outside a McDonald's. I had a craving for a cone of McD's soft serve and I had plans to read a little there. I ran into a colleague and friend making an order at at the drive-through window and he asked - shouting from thirty feet away - if I was going to eat there. I assumed that he wanted to join me. Maybe that's not the case. Maybe I misread the situation but that's not important. What's important was what I thought his intentions were and more importantly, how I responded.
"No," I lied, "I'm only picking up a takeaway."
Sometimes, I'm alone. Sometimes, the reason is because I want to be. Sometimes can be a lot of the time.
I am not antisocial, really.
On Friday, I had dinner at the new San Francisco Steakhouse which opened at the Malacca Club building in Melaka Raya. I was accompanied by Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policemen's Union and a recording of a podcast review of The Social Network (one of the best motion pictures of the year, if you ask me). Phoebe was a speed-dial away. If necessary, I could even retreat into my thoughts for hours on end because I am, in my personal opinion, such an interesting fellow.
My ego is so massive that it has its own gravitational field and Earth is in orbit around it. See what I did there? Wordplay! I think the world revolves around me, geddit? Why are you groaning?
The place was nice. I like the high ceiling and I do so approve of the waitresses' miniskirts. I had a soup and a lamb main. Both were serviceable, if a bit underwhelming. For how much I coughed up, I expected rainbows, supernovae and gay unicorns to explode on my plebeian palate.
Throughout my meal, a preschooler from the neighboring table repeatedly accosted my person. She would leap off her chair, run to my side and wave a piece of chip in my face before scurrying back to her seat, giggling maniacally. I could not understand what drew the brat's attention on me. Was it my gravitational field (ha!)? Or was it because kids, like most predators, prefer to take on prey animals which are separated from its herd? The waving of potato seemed to be some sort of combat challenge to me. Inigo Montoya, is that you? Nope, her Dad's right there, alive and watching a footie game on telly. Restrain your daughter, male parent.
I don't like kids. The feeling, unfortunately, is rarely mutual. I tried projecting my disdain of children through my eyes at her but that only drove her into hysterics. I also couldn't punt her out of my sight because her sire might take umbrage at such an energetic gesture of discouragement applied to his spawn. And would you believe they have laws against kicking children, even when they menace you with a tuberous shiv?
Anyway, here's a picture of the toothy miss,
Look at her! Take inventory of the murder eyes and her impressive set of gnashers. Bet you'll never meet another blackguard so unhinged and bloodthirsty in your life.
P.S. I am currently in the middle of a Paediatric posting. Save me.
Professional child-hater,
k0k s3n w4i
9 comments:
omg she's got shrek's teeth!
Purely based on this article, you and I are so alike.
ah u totally put the name on the disease, so there are a whole bunch of us freaks out there! apart from the child-hating......but when u think about it children can be quite the creature with monstrous ego that will encapsulate even yours. they totally start in life like they ownz the worldz, prob why adolescence is such a difficult process..... hmmm i wonder what was life like before you found Phoebe? while i really enjoy the autonomy of a Loner way too much i do find it wanting in terms of my needs for companionship but being awkward with pple in general makes it that much harder for me to exert myself in the way of basic social functioning, so yeahhh for me it's laziness and sth of being a judgmental prick too- i tend to gravitate towards indecipherable iceberg-y pple but i'd oftentimes writeoff someone who has their desires and motivations easily read- even though i do regret my easy conclusions afterwards but i wouldnt give up my castle for just anyone after all
I love kids! What does Phoebe think of them? ;)
lovealynna: i don't like kids :3 they make too much noise & demand too much attention. im a person who needs a lot of me time :D
beve: the better to chew on you with, my dear.
McGarmott: including my dislike of kids? just so you know, i actually have a personality disorder diagnosed independently by several of my colleagues.
ap: before phoebe, there's the confidants i found over the web and real life friends for company (i like to separate the people who know my secrets and the people i hang out with). i dated sporadically - nothing serious - but then again, i was only single for about a year anyway. and unlike you, i avoid enigmatic cyphers. i prefer extroverts, in general. i enjoy my autonomy too, and phoebs is mature enough to allow me plenty.
lovealynna: she will only like a child if it fulfills 3 criteria; (a) it's a boy (b) it carries 50% of her dna, and (c) it's half-korean.
Phoebs: stop copying me D:
my name is inigo montoya and i am here to kill you! i don't think he attempted it with a fry though.
Hah, I prefer to dine alone as well. Same with going to the movies or just having a day out; I prefer going alone because I'm an 'enigmatic cypher' who is mysterious and intriguing to all.....OK, fine, I'm not. I just dislike conversation most of the time; I'm a really bad conversationalist and will not hesitate to let the awkward silences dominate instead of indulging in pure small talk.
About the kiddies part of your post: I used to dislike children heartily before I got one of my own, of course, and not just because they're noisy, annoying and ugly. Hah, I remember this group of little girls (4 or 5 years old) who used to assault me and pull my hair, and pinch me and all, and I wouldn't hit back cause I was afraid of inflicting severe injury on them, being some 5 or 6 years older ...and also because their parents were watching from the sidelines, thinking we were all playing so cutely...little shits.
But of course, these days, I sympathise more with stressed-out parents of unruly kids in public, and don't really feel too much for the people they inconvenience....heh, sorry =)
but anyway, of course there should be a law against kicking little kids! c'mon, that one merely brandished an edible spud dagger at you...there are more frightening things to fear...
May Lee: inigo montoya can kill anyone with anything!
nicoletta: haha, you just made me think that the girl was actually trying to feed me - like i'm a zoo animal or something. i'm one of those folks who think that the world can do worse than to have less kids (no offence to julian). for one, they frequently ruin my time at the cinemas (how dare parents bring kids to see kid flicks!). i don't *really* hate kids but i have encountered some preteens so rude and monstrous that i wish i could gas them. with you as his mom, i'm sure your kid would do just fine :)
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